The Damned "What Ifs"

[Goingdownhill]

Well I've used the board to journal and no I'm not looking for sympathy. I have come here for advice, for counsel, for new ideas, for fresh thoughts. I'm just trying to find my way along this journey like the rest of you. I haven't posted the whole story I know. Because it has been a long and complex 3 yrs and full of twists and turns. Maybe the roller coaster ride that is hard to keep up with and so I don't from one day to the next what to write. But whatever I've posted is truly from the bottom of my heart. There is nothing for me here to hide I have nothing left that I cannot expose. I've exposed what I can so far. Maybe I'm just not good at writing like you expect. But I'm trying to do what I can. I'm an accountant by trade so everyone knows we cannot write worth a [censored]. Maybe we suck at communication too which is the other failure in the marriage. Many of the posts here are so eloquent and full of feeling. I just don't know if I can write like that. If I share with you the letters to my H, it is because I am sharing what I feel the best that I can. Sorry if it was not what you expected. Maybe that isn't the traditional approach on this board. Maybe I'm just not at the right place here.

I don't know. I'm just here trying to find answers. I've DBed my butt off for 3 yrs and am wondering am I just on another cheeseless tunnel?