Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Onthemountaintop - I'm trying. I'm doing everything I can to turn myself around and show that I can listen to her needs. It is a struggle, because I know without her I may fall apart, but I'm using that as the driving force atm.

Tattoo_you- Thanks for the good thoughts. I've started reading your sitch and it looks like there are some pretty strong parallels going on there. I'm trying to deal with the situation as best as I can, but then it's hard with her on the other side of the planet... plus she's only willing to talk to me on the phone once a week... so I'm going a little insane at the moment, trying to keep busy in a town where I don't know many people any more and trying to get myself moving despite my emotions. It's been a trial. My heart goes out to you as well.

Sandi2 - There are some common threads through the stories. The thing that is hitting me the most is that she never voiced anything. I've read through the article on WAW, and the thing it keeps coming back to is nagging, even about unrelated subjects. My wife never did. She never nagged, we didn't argue, we rarely disagreed. We seemed to be on the same page with so much... I literally never saw this coming. I wish she had said something, I wish she had gotten upset about the little things and vented them at me. But she says she was too worried about upsetting me and so never did.

I'm not convinced it's 100% my fault... but I feel like a lot of it is. I also feel like I'm powerless in so many ways in this sitch. I can't talk to her, I can't see her... what I can control is myself. If I can work on me, I can at least say that I tried EVERYTHING if she does go ahead.

I hope you're wrong, I hope she won't play games with me... but I don't know what else I can do. We've got the distance. I'm trying a bit of a 180, and I'm really getting out there trying to GAL.

-I've now got my Learners license and am pushing ahead with lessons when I get paid.
-I have a new job, starting Monday
-I have started going to a counsiler, first face to face is Friday.
-I have started ballroom lessons.
-I have lost over 15KG in the 6-7 weeks I've been here, and dropping.
-I am seeing people every day, trying to get out, go to dinners, birthday drinks, work do's, anything I can to keep busy and try to stay positive.

But last time I spoke to her we began talking terms.

I speak to her next on Weds, and I can only hope that she's missed me even a little in this last week. If she hasn't, I'll just have to keep going and try harder.

It all feels really petty, you know? The small goals seem pointless. "Hey, I've lost my wife, but have you seen this second hand POS car I just bought?". I'm still pushing ahead with them, but it's hard to keep a sense of perspective from butting in.