Oh, I agree and one way or the other, whether you divorce right away or wait, it hurts and takes time to heal. I am glad I focused on myself. The tough part is that the better I've done for myself, the more he paid attention and tried to work his way back in; but not in as a husband, just in enough for me to take the crumbs and refrain from divorcing.
I suppose it's just that I can't believe I have questioned whether I should settle for this just to stay married. I mean, ya, I avoided divorce, I stayed married, could probably stay married for the rest of my life. But my husband is gone and he just throws me crumbs when he sees me reaching my breaking point.
The goal has to be more than just staying married.
The one thing about DB is that all of the emphasis and statistics (especially about how scr*wed women end up being) make it really scary and depressing to draw a line in the sand. I think often of the negative comments here about how the wives "will see" when they end up with no money and no man wants them because they have kids etc.
So for the left behind women, it is an extra hurdle to stop fearing and demand better.
I don't know if that makes sense. I don't regret the time I've spent here and trying to save my marriage and my sanity. I just think that sometimes it can be paralyzing to fear divorcing (to the extent that I have).
