Maybe I should have told him that I hope that he will move back with us...I really wanted to...but I didn't...wasn't sure if he is ready to talk about it. Any ideas?
Reread HB post to you above. Follow that advice. I would not ask any questions. Let him come to you. Continue to act the way you have learned throughout this crisis. Detach, validate, GAL.
The way you acted/reacted was fine.Do not do anything else.
SCH - just caught up with your tread...they are both in lala land drinking some weird coolaid.
I almost wish that H didn't tell me that he wants to R....it's totally confusing. First of all he sure doesn't behave like he wants to R and secondly it really affected my level of detachment.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Strange conversations are normal at this time; yes, it sounds like he was doing some fishing..but the fish weren't exactly biting, and he wasn't making any sense.
I, too, had some VERY strange conversations with my husband during this time, but learned to let them go, didn't read much into them, as words/questions don't mean anything..it's the ACTIONS I looked at.
You already knew he was talking weird; just let him talk as weird as he wants to...it takes on a whole new meaning for them when things are spoken out loud, even if they sound nutty or strange to you.
You may never know exactly what everything he says means, but he'll forget the majority of it, or even all of it as time rocks on. And even if you did understand what he means, you're sane, remember? He's insane at this point. Both of you are operating off the opposite side of the spectrum of sanity, if that makes sense.
Keep following his lead, and I remember that IF I tried to pick up a thread of conversation that got interrupted, he'd NEVER remember saying what he said, anyway. That was the QUICKEST way to start an argument, and get him spewing at me. LOL!
I had to learn that after a few times of trying to pick up dropped threads of conversation, as I remember.
Not everything is worth answering or wondering about.. this is MLC after all, a land of weird conversations/occurrences. Just let it all go, wait and watch...he will come to you in time.
Hope this helps.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
So here we go again, my instinct was right, I felt that something was wrong.
Just got a call from OW's H telling me that his wife announced that the affair with my H is back on and that she has decided that's what she wants after all and that she will be leaving her H again.
Apparently H & OW are back in contact for more then a week. She was the one who re-initiated it...again. This is the 5th time that she has changed her mind.
My H didn't have the guts to tell me yet...that's why that talk about the house today and him being upset about the taxes. Only 3 weeks ago he told me that it's over and that this time it's different, that it was a mutual decision and that he wants to R.
Can anyone say rollercoaster?
Now what...do I confront him about it...do I wait for him to tell me? I can't take anymore of this. The way he's been playing with my emotions is cruel. This was the second time he wanted to R. And each time it lasts couple of weeks and the affair is back on.
And it is the OW that keeps doing this to all of us...she breaks if off and...then she pulls him back in.
How can these two people do this to everyone again...her 2 children...she only moved back home with them few weeks ago...how cruel. I'm so happy that I stopped H from telling D that the affair was over and that he wanted to come back. I told him to wait until we are further. Thank god that I had the presence of mind to request that.
I feel pretty defeated.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I am so sorry....why do we keep letting them hurt us like that???? one day it will ALL come back to them......one day Mila one day.....and we may no longer be there.....it will be their loss...((((hugs))))) damn this hurts!!!!!!! we always some how know dont we.....
Thank you my friends, I sure could use some hugs. I really think that the OW-creature needs a psychiatrist....how can my H be so stupid and keep letting her do this to him and to us. I wonder which part of his body is he thinking with.
There is one hope...maybe he is not telling me because HE IS NOT SURE if he wants to trust her again. Slim hope...but I need one.
Or he is not telling me because he wants me to go to his dad's B-Day Dinner tomorrow and have me pretend that we are the happy little family that we always were. (I'd mentioned that he never told his dad that he left us for OW).
How am I going to pull that one off tomorrow?
I have decided...I'm not going to confront him....I'm going to pretend that everything is fine and that I'm under the impression that he wants to reconcile. I'm not going to make this easy for him. He will have to come and tell me that he has changed his mind ....again.
Rollback to 3 weeks ago and continue from there....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
