Is this piecing?

[old theotherhalf]

They are right Hope. And I know as well as anyone here that it is SOOO hard to step away from him and start taking care of you. It's one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do in my life. But I did and today I am doing well. Oh-no question I miss my H very very much and if he came to me today and asked me to come home it would be very hard for me not to just say okay and let him in. I don't THINK I would though. Too much water over and under the bridge. Too much heartache. Too much damage. I would however I hope leave the door open to see if he'd work to come home and maybe start a NEW life with me.

"it's only when you take yourself out of the equation that the MLCer is forced to look at the OW and see her flaws ... and, more importantly, realize he's not found nirvana with her. THAT could be a trigger for his beginning to face his own depression and deal with his childhood issues."

I believe this is what I see going on with my XH now. I think. I am staying out of it. I guess we'll see what happens. When they tell you here that this all takes time...believe them. There are NO EXCEPTIONS. I didn't believe, I thought my H was different. I thought we had a bond that would prevail. 3 years later my XH is still with OW off and on and very much still in MLC.

Trust them here Hope. Believe what they say. And take their best advice. Stop the madness for YOU. Take care of YOU.

God Bless,
TOH

[Butterfly1]

I wake up, I miss him terribly. Then I feel it in my bones, my cells - he is with OW.

God help me have strength.

[flowmom]

Hope, that is so rough. Keep taking it one day at a time. This pain won't last forever.

I know I've recommended this to you before...but The Work is one of the only things that has helped me with finding oases of peace at the toughest times.

This one would make good listening for you:
http://www.thework-store.com/when-relationships-fail

(((Hope)))

[Butterfly1]

H is coming over for family dinner. I don't know how I can do it. I'm suppposed to be dark. AFter our fight this week, he thinks I'm the most distrustful person in the world and I hate being seen that way and not being forgiven for the things I've done.

[old theotherhalf]

Hope,
I see almost a mirror image of myself about 2 years ago in you. I'm so sorry that there is another human being out there going through the same things that I've been through.

I understand the "feeling". Let it go Hope. Let him go. I promise you, there is nothing, nothing you or anyone can do.

Blessings,
TOH

[flowmom]

AFter our fight this week, he thinks I'm the most distrustful person in the world and I hate being seen that way and not being forgiven for the things I've done.

Hope, when you look at your H you see an ugly version of yourself mirrored in his eyes. You have to ask yourself if that mirror is accurate. Is it true that his perception of you means anything about who you really are? Look at yourself and find out what is true...the bad AND the good. No one is perfect and we are all on our own journeys.

hugs!

[Butterfly1]

Yes, I've been distrustful at times, and so has H. The blame game has gone on too long. So I"m ahamed of my mistakes and misleadings, and I'm equally ashamed I've been misled.

Issue today. H last night had said he would text me in the morning what time and where he would pick up S today. I would end my job at noon, and had to run to rehearsal, H would meet me somewhere along the road.

So he texts me this morning "Hey, I'm in the city this morning and can pick up S at your rehearsal. I don't know where your rehearsal is, let me know." Um, yeah, I already told him where rehearsal was. I couldn't help but feel this was BAIT.

This means one or both of two things -he's at OW's, -he's been partying and stayed over somewhere. None of this is the man I married. Either way my adrenaline shot through the roof. I have consistently asked for the respect that he tell me none of his "personal life" especially around OW and also around partying. The fact that he disrespected this leads me to believe he was trying to upset me. He likes to do that.

I did not text him right away. I had to calm down or I was going to blast him for being so disrespectful and just make things worse. I also figured if he is going to disrespect my requests, I don't have to do anything. So I took S with me to rehearsal for a couple hours while H continued to call/hang up.

When I was ready, I txted H and laid this boundary: "I guess you weren't listening when I said I do not want to hear about your private life, or when I told you exactly where and what time I would be at rehearsal. I also want firm plans in advance from now on, a request you have continually ignored. You can come pick up S at _______"

Why should I bend over backwards to be "flexible" with the schedule (I am normally a flexible person) when H uses this to hurt me and rub OW in my face? And, when he flips a raging lid if I'm ever late. AND how about the times he has stormed off or threatened to storm off when it was his day with S? NO, he has too much power here. H needs to stick to a schedule and show me he can follow through. So I didn't fight, I didn't even talk to him. I didn't explain, defend, or try to make him listen. I simply wrote what I expect from now on.

I am proud of myself that I calmed myself down after the minibomb this morning. I felt like flipping out and going home to cry myself to sleep, but instead, I calmed myself down, took some space, and got on with my day.

Have I also mentioned he has made fun of me on his last two twitter posts? This is getting so juevenile and mean I can't take it anymore.

HAVE I SAID HOW MUCH THIS SUCKS! I don't even think I'm DBing anymore. Im just trying to stand up for myself and move on.

[Lost Rabbit]

Bloomng well done Hun! The worm has finally turned

No respect, no deal, no communication!

Or to put it another way Detach detach detach lol!

[Butterfly1]

I think I'm finally getting it!

[alice444]

That is good to hear! I've been following along all weekend and send you a big hug. I like the other emotions and thoughts I see coming from you every once in awhile- a shift that I think is really really good for you :-)

-Alice