Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

[james217]

Well here's a little journaling.

Last night I was supposed to fix a coworkers computer but she never called back so I did not go.

I talked to one of my best friends (borderline bipoloar) who has been married slightly over a year then are alot of similarities in my sitch and hers.

She is so close to becoming a WAW. They have a blended family and her H has 3 kids and she has 1. so four children. My friend is so drained and overwhelmed because she's just used to having to care for herself and her S8. here H'S 3 children's mother just pretty much abandoned the children and they were left to pick them up and take care of them.

She states how little money they have and how worn down she is from work and having 3 more mouths to cook for and help take care of the kids had no clothes for school or anything. By the time she gets to her H she is totally tired.

She doesnt' want to be touched or close to him and he just wants toime with her. He had been out of work for about a year and finally found a new job and he was the one taking care of the children.

Now she feels smothered trapped with no me time and although her H tries to do things like watch movies with her or spend cuddle time or intimacy. She doesn't feel appreciated because she's doing so much for their four children.

I gave her some advice about how she needs some space and me time. I told her about my sitch. I mean the words she used and WAW were pretty much identical.

I told her she should should try to hang in there because I believed it was miscommunication. Her H comes home from work and just wants her time. She's tired. I stated maybe she needed a break to like go out and have some fun by herself and then find a babysitter so her and H can have some fun together.

She listed all of these traits about her H she liked. She said it's really not his fault. She's just tired and they argue because he just wants her time. She said she had her bags backed a few days ago and decided to stay but she has one foot out the door mentally and emotionally.

She also gave me some insightg just by talking about her own sitch it helped me understand things as well as from me reading my threads and other threads to understand things better.

I still am very sad though. I have not seen WAW in a week. we haven't talked in 6 days. I broke N.C. for a little while about the job that called for her (the one she was due to start at the beginning of april but the training class got cancelled) and asked her about sd8 and was happy to hear how much she loved the build a bear and would sleep with it.

I asked her for a picture of SD8 and she said she would send one. Still haven't received it so I'm kind of bummed out about it.

I wonder if I'm missed or thought about anymore. I mean she does send texts every once in awhile but they haven't been that consistent since she's down there with SD8.

I'm wondering if i'm hoping for nothing. If there's no way my M can be repaired and restored.

Today is one of my "bad days" there's no work and i'm just sitting around thinking. I'm 4 more days I'll be 32. I will have a party thrown by co-workers and my trainers.

I wish I knew how WAW truly felt. She told me the other day (see my post above this one) that she loved and cared for me. But that came after the kids. So I don't know what to think right now about that.

I'm just trying to stay focused on my goals and not crowd or pursue WAW.

More N.C. seems like the best option but maybe N.C. doesn't matter to her anymore. I don't know.

I could really use a litte advice from my friends. Is this normal? Am I supposed to still feel like this?

I miss my children and waw so much. I'm not all clingy to her like I used to be but I still have all 4 of them in my heart and on my mind. I think i'm detaching a little bit due to being able to N.C. this long.