Getting bad advice from "friends" . . . . .

[Bummedout]

Yea, the peripheral "ripple effect" of not having a job, in essence, her desire for provision, protection, etc. is understandable. My question is, why can't she talk about it? Why wait until the feelings of resentment fester into wanting to just throw in the towel before bringing it up?

Not that I haven't noticed 'little things' and I've asked about them in the months leading up to this. I got "nothing." I just assumed my feeling were a bit of paranoia, since I myself am TOTALLY uncomfortable with not having a steady job right now.

One thing I learned in my past marriage was that I did have a tendency to "take things for granted . . .mainly, the idea that marriage vows actually mean something. Things are tough right nowHer problems I've always taken as "our problems" since we're supposed to be a 'team." And she did have problems when we first met, and I didn't even think twice about paying off some debt that wasn't mine.

Now it seems like me not being employed is MY problem, and MY problem is causing her problems, so it's MY fault SHE is having problems. Not very "teamlike." I'm not even sure how to deal with that. On the one hand, I love her very much. On the other hand, I find this "emotional one way street" relative to our problem (in my mind) to be rather despicable. Of course I told her this when we first had the "I'm done" conversation, likely considered "the wrong thing" to do . . . but how do ya deal with it? Rolling over seems like a VERY bad strategy, and I WILL trust my intuition on that, unless someone can in fair detail explain why.

Dang, I kinda went off topic again, considering the primary issue I would love a little help with is just how to deal with her "friend" giving bad advice.

Again, I'm 49, and I've seen too many times the cancer bad advice from friends is, and not just for marriage relationships.
In my past marriage, I didn't do anything about it, because . . .well . . .I didn't even know for sure it was happening (I did kinda think about it though) until a few months after the divorce had finalized, when a chance meeting with her former boss. He told me my Ex and her friends (co-workers) really dogged me, and he said it bothered him because most of what he heard about my 'transgressions' really didn't seem so bad to him. Of course he just "stayed out of it."

Anyway GM and SF, thanks for not ignoring me simply for not "doing whatever I'm told here" or questioning advice. I'd think asking questions bluntly and succinctly would be more productive in working toward understanding what many of us are clearly dealing with, but it doesn't seem to be the case. Bummer, for all of us, really.