You just want "steady" and all the craziness gone, but its not going to happen. So you think she's going to do be stuck in this "push-pull" cycle?
I don't know. But there's no push-pull if I don't participate. She is kind of stuck though.
And I guess there's that same question that brought me back to the board in January, that Karen and Bill keep putting out there - the possiblity that she'll change her mind. What then?
I'd really have to work to convince myself.
I figured through my hardship is that any bad habits the spouse built up on the relationship with you, can get stripped off in future relationships with others. The spouse has to decide to release it. As you are aware, some of them get "better" at the stuff we don't like and get worse as they get older. They are not likely to release it with us because that boundary has been crossed so many times. We keep hoping that they release those activities and ways of dealing with us that put us on this board in the first place, doesn't seem like it happen.
I will say for the DB forum that the affair busting men and women seem to be having good success. You see without a boyfriend or girlfriend and stinging and realing from the pain of being dumped, they have to take a look around to look at reality. For many its obviously safer and more profitable to come home, for others they feel its a path of least resistance to stay out in the single game.
This stuff is hard, and that is putting it mildly.
Is there anyway you can "pop" her out of "push-pull" or the various games she play? Sometimes it can be pain or leverage to make it happen, real leverage and real pain - like a designed affair or designed situations, etc designed to wake the person up and help them into the reality or awareness you need them to be in.
I mean they shook our life up through their actions, perhaps we can shake their life up as a very last ditch effort.
Geronimo, what do you think she's getting out of push-pull? An temporary ego boost due to a feeling of control on you?
