My WAW - Chat/Text Msg affair with her ex

[Dan1977]

I failed miserably on Wednesday. I made the mistake of arguing with my wife about pretty much everything. I couldn't hold my emotions back any longer.

It started out with my wife making an attempt to move forward with me saying she wanted to stop talking to her ex and wanted to take baby steps with me, but she felt confused. She wanted to know if it was too late for us, and I told her it's never too late to work on our family and always too soon to give up. Maybe it's my nature, but I asked her if she could be honest with me about everything because as damaged as we are right now, dishonesty will only push us apart farther. She said she would "try". I couldn't accept that because I knew she had purchased a prepaid phone that day. I told her having a prepaid phone was like an alcoholic keeping beer in the refrigerator and saying they weren't going to drink it. It was an unnecessary temptation that was not needed in our lives. The conversation did not go well from there and she retracted wanting to mend things with me and going out on a date with me taking baby steps. I knew I had made a mistake, but couldn't help resenting her for having the prepaid cell phone.

When I got home, tension was high. We ate dinner without saying much to each other, mainly focusing on talking to the kids. After dinner, she said something about what I was going to do about the Jamaica vacation. I got pretty testy with her and adamantly let her know I was going with or without her and no way was I letting that money go to waste because of what she did. I told her she was the one doing this to us and I wasn't canceling the much needed vacation because she decided to have an affair on me. It got ugly fast, divorce was brought up several times, unfortunately in front of the kids which I hate myself for doing. I tried to walk away, she wouldn't let me leave the kitchen, I didn't react well and I wish I had it to do all over again. I was trying to get myself to stop, but I resent her so much over this damn affair I wanted to speak my peace. I told her I was done financing her affair and she let me know she had already talked to a lawyer and she's entitled to half of everything and will most likely get the kids. At that point, the conversation was over even though our mouths were still moving because it was just anger and raw emotion with neither of us making much sense. I went upstairs, cooled off for a while, went outside and then left for a few hours without telling her where I was going. She texted me several times asking where I was, but I didn't tell her, and instead said what I wanted to say in a more cool calm and collected manner versus the pissing match we had. While I was gone, I was texting her sister letting her know it probably was over and let her know what happened. She said she was going to try and talk to her, which she did. I came home around 10 pm, played connect four with my son and she came in and played with us too and she actually was very cordial to me even though we had a major blowout. I called my Employee Assistance Program and signed up for some marriage counseling, I plan to go to on my own, I have an appointment on Tuesday.

Ok, so Wednesday was a bust, everyone can give me a hard time but I stopped being a push over and let her know she could basically kiss my ass, right or wrong. I didn't do like I probably should have done, which was NEVER ARGUE WITH THE WAW but I did. So Thursday rolled around and after not getting much sleep and taking the day off from work again, I had every intention of going hiking on my own for the day to give her some space like she had asked for last week. She was very nice to me, and didn't want me to go saying I should stay and face our problems with each other and not take it to the extreme by leaving, which was weird hearing that from her because that is exactly what I have been telling her about her damn affair that she should be talking to me about our problems instead of talking to her ex about all her issues in her life. She wanted me to go shopping with her for a baby shower gift this weekend. I checked her text messages and seen she had started talking to her sister again which was a good thing because she is on my side about all this affair mess. If she is talking to her sister, then maybe she is opening up to realize she is screwing up. I also seen she is talking/texting her mom again which is another good sign. So instead of going hiking on my own, which I was actually looking forward to some me time away from everything, I went with her shopping for a baby shower gift. It was quite nice actually, she was very pleasant to me. We took our son to school, we got ice cream with our daughter, and then later I took the kids (without her) to go for a hike and to the park and gave her some time to her self. She acted like she didn't like I was taking the kids to go play, but I wasn't backing down, I was taking them to go do something just me and them and she stayed home and exercised. When I got home, she asked me if I wanted to go to the baby shower with her on Saturday and she said she wanted to go on our date we had talked about on Wednesday before we had our blowout. She said she would like to start over, so we are going to where we had our very first date...to new beginnings I hope!! =)

Today (Friday), nothing major happened, all seemed well no arguments or anything. I've got to think that if she's opening up to her family again, it's got to be a good sign that she's coming back from the "dark side". She started talking about our Jamaica trip today and acted like she was ready to go again and went to the tanning bed today so she can get ready for the trip. I'm trying to play it cool and not rock the boat and not want everything right away. My wife said that's my problem, I want everything right away which I probably do. I want my wife and my life back and I want it now, but I realize it takes time and I need to shut my mouth and just go slow with her and show her I'm the man for her.

Call me a snoop or spy or whatever, but through my keylogger I was able to figure out her prepaid phone login to see the activity. I know, it's underhanded and wrong but I can't help it...anyway I seen she didn't text him at all today and only a few times yesterday hopefully to end it like she is telling me she wants to.

I don't know if I'm making the wrong or right moves, the last few days have been very confusing. I seriously thought our marriage was dead for sure on Wednesday after that nasty argument, and in front of the kids no less which I hate. But...maybe that argument shook things up some, I don't know. All I know is we have went from one extreme to the other in no time what so ever, but one more day my family is together as one is a good thing, so I'm hanging on to hope that there is hope. She acts like she wants to take baby steps with me, this date thing was her idea and I'm going along with it. Hopefully the text messaging on her prepaid phone subsides although I'm going to try and refrain from saying anything about it because if I do, she'll retract again saying I'm spying on her and controlling her which makes her want to leave me even more.

I'm sure you guys will have a hey day with all the mistakes I probably made, but she actually has reached out to me and wants to try and mend things, which in my mind is a huge step. So even though since the last time I've last posted, I've hit some of the lowest lows, I'm riding a small high right now. Now I just pray I make the right moves in the future not to push her away...

Dan