Well, not sure what to think, but when she got home today, she mentioned she hadn't discussed us with her friend "if it makes you (me) feel better. She didn't say it sarcastically. I'll assume she didn't lie to me since that really hasn't been a problem in the past.
Mark, Yea I've looked around a bit, and that seems to be a fairly common issue/theme, and that really is a shame. I understand that "men and women are different" . . . but I'm sorry, job status is such a shallow bellwether for a loving relationship to revolve around. I consider it a serious character flaw if that is truly "THE" reason.
I hadn't considered it from this perspective before, and I'd MUCH rather think that the 'job issue' was just a convenient thing to place focus/blame on and there were really other issues, kind of like my first thoughts on why this is happening.
Frankly, if it really is "just the Job", I would lose a LOT of respect for her. That would be genuinely shallow and despicable, in my opinion.
One thing that I find a little puzzling is that my thoughts on 'transference of blame' seems to generate virtually NO consideration. Dang, I've seen this type of thing happen MANY times in other situations. It's a classic and very well documented phenomenon . . .yet it gets blown off and dismissed out-of-hand.
While my getting a job would by default take some of the pressure off from her folks, it wouldn't change anything as far as her relationship with her daughter.
I believe I pointed out that I had in fact read Michelle's first book, and I read it a lot. Even though I'd screwed up and given my ex a copy, I doubt she read very much of it, and I did see some evidence of the "counter-intuitive" thing working, though clearly, not as much as I would have liked.
But counterinuitive only carries so far, and I'm not a mental turnip either. I'm 49, and I've been dealing with both men and women all my life . .as have all of us. If "the right way" to do everything was "counterintuitive" . . . as a species we'd still be bumbling around, rubbing two sticks together to make a fire.
After reviewing many past posts today . . .I think many of ya'll take the counter-intuitive thing too far . . . just my opinion of course. I have to say that I'm a little disappointed that there doesn't seem to be more success here.
Like I also pointed out earlier, I used to post and get involved in many discussions on these boards during my unsuccessful attempts to save my first marriage. While I didn't do everything right, some things that were "supposed to work" simply did not, and didn't even come close.
This is why I questioned Kimmies "be mysterious" suggestion. I wasn't being ungrateful. I can understand that concept to a point, but the devil is in the details of the execution of a tactic (so-to-speak) of that type. Seems to me there is a LOT of room for something like that to backfire right in a guys (or gals) face. Maybe when the book gets here, that'll be clarified a bit more in depth, but I'll still use caution on that one.
What I guess I really want, is to hear specifically from people who have had to directly deal with the WAW having alleged friends cheering her on to walk away. I'd like to hear their experiences, with trying to intervene, with leaving it alone, and how they feel it worked or didn't.
On a different note, sadly, having already been there, and being at least a little familiar with Michelles general concept, I see some folks who by their very own words, think something is going well that I can see clear as a bell isn't . . .like someone stole a chapter right out of my own biography in my past attempt to save my first marriage.
I'm hesitant to offer my own experiences really, because I don't want to let my amateur assessment run them down a bad road. Unfortunately, a few folks here seem to have no problem feigning 'expertise' . . and after reading some of the past posts . . .they could actually use a dose of my hesitation, skepticism, and humility.
I realize that most folks really do want to help, but it might not hurt to find out a little more before jumping to some genuinely premature conclusions on some of the situations.
Anyway, I do appreciate the base intent, and if some of ya'll think I'm an ass who is unworthy of help, well . . .we're all entitled to our opinions.
