OH CL, I am sorry but this is nowhere near enough. It could be how I have interpreted what you have written but it sounds so condescending and more of the same."I sent her an email today discussing options that I would consider " I want to take the night off from Salsa. "I may start giving her first option during the week" This is not a partnership mindset. On the one hand I would say maybe you just need to get a life and leave her to do as she chooses. That is more or less whats happening now I guess apart from the dancing classes. BUT if you truly want to rebuild your marriage and the quote you made about suffering and loving most those who deserve it least( sorry can't quite remember it correctly) seemed to suggest you did, (I found that condescending to)sorry. All this email suggests is that you may have time to fit her in. For now you are going to have to get so much better and so much quicker at putting her needs first in this partnership you talk about, without becoming her lapdog. She needs loving in every shape and form. Praise were you can. Talk of your love for her,your longings,your inner hopes. IDK anything but that you are weary of the salsa. This is your wife,the woman you loved enough to choose to be your lifelong companion, lover and friend. Go back to what you felt then,all inhibitions out the window,all conservatism out too. I know how hard this is for you, but this may be your last chance to save the marriage,what have you got to lose,so what if its way out of your comfort zone,embarrasing and too emotional. Do it. No more of the cold, calculating and patronising emails. When all this goes pearshaped, you have the rest of your life to have quiet nights in planning and organising to the nth degree your weeks classes. Take this as a thunderbolt, sent with love.
