I would let your W know that living in a celibate R as roommates will not work for you for two years. She is simply keeping her life as easy as possible while she finishes school.
Let her make the choice but if she chooses not to work on the marriage there is not a reason in the world for her to live with you for the next 2 years. IMO she is simply using you for housing and to maintain a certain level of financial and emotional comfort (on her terms).
I agree.. That is just a load of crap and you do not deserve it.
Having done an "in house seperation" for a while, the cheated partner gets stripped emotionally and will be less desireable even in outside situations as a result. The only way to counter this is to cheat or to leave. Regular affections by person of the opposite sex can counter a neglectful spouse. The question becomes why be married if the spouse does not want to be concerned with your needs or well-being?
Sounds like now is the time for a 180. I agree with the others in that you should tell her that you had thought about it and aren't interested in cohabitating for two years. It's not what you want, so you're going to file. Of course you're not going to, but you've got to start standing up to her and this seems like the perfect opportunity.
Just my .02.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Confused again. Wife asked me if I could get the retainer back that I paid for the lawyer. I told her yes but I was working to complete buying her equity from the house and filing since she does not want the marriage anymore. She then asked if I thought she was pretty and that she lost 20 pounds. I told her she is and has always been a pretty woman. She then said I was weired in that I am around her and the kids more and that I am acting different. She is worried about her sister who has metastatic colon ca so she has a lot on her plate. I want her back and believe these may be changes she sees in me. What do I do so I dont blow it. I know I need a solution oriented approach. Any help at there? bobby O
Things are going from bad to worse. Wife is trying to get me to leave the house. She is angry because I went to close friends and family with our issues. My wife is a private person but she does not talk to anyone which is half the problem there. I told her I would cover expences plus her tuition provided she tried to work on the relationship. She says she forgives me. I told her if you forgive then we should move on and try to salvage the relationship. I do not think she has a ground to end the relationship. I am so confused She has so much anger and I dont know why. Now she says she does not like me as a person. Dont know what to do. I feel like I am dying inside each day that passes.Bobby O
My wife was gone from the house real early yesterday morning. I am off this week and she is avoiding me. I suspected her maybe having an affair but no proof from phone logs and email. I think she wants to get me angry enough to leave the house and file. She has all this anger and hatred towards me and I dont know why. I am at my witts end. I have been going out with family and friends and trying to remain strong. I really dont know what to do anymore. Bobby O
Bobby,you have been doing exactly what you need to do. I think it has been a good job and I know it has been extremly hard.
Your W is confused by your changes, and that is a good sign. Her asking you if she's pretty, etc. is a big tip that she's still interested in how you feel about her. When you answer her,be honest (like you were) but don't show emotion. You handled that great!
I know you want to be loving and supportive during the time her sister is having treatments, however, you need to show support toward her as if she was just a friend or you will cave under the emotion. Show support to her family and expecially her sister, but don't give physical affection to your W in trying to show her you care. That is what men want to do,but she does not need to have that from you just yet.
She may be in an A, but try not to get obsessed about it right now. If you have seen no proof, then do not ask her anything. She would lie about it anyway.
There is some reason she is pushing for you to leave. Then she comes back with waiting for two years (which is very selfish), so she is simply thinking about what's best for "her". Be sure you have a very good lawyer!
There have been cases where it came down to going to court and the W would drop the D. So, continue to do what you are doing. I promise that you would not stand a chance if you conducted yourself in any other fashion.
This is all about choices. She must see for herself the choices she is making. She will not do that by you talking and trying to show her. It just has a way of doing the oppposite desired results whenever the H tries to "talk" about it to his W.
I know you want her to meet with Michele, but until she is ready and desires to make the M work, it would only push her farther away. Timing is everything. When she is ready, she will make a move toward you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't have any advice, I just wanted you to know that I'm reading & people are here for you.
Stay strong & listen to everyone. This is hard, but I think everyone is right, your W sounds confused and hurt and lost and is just blaming all of it on you. It's easier that way. Keep on doing what you're doing--your doing great.
hang in there.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
Sandi2, I really do appreciate your help in my situation. My wife and her sister have not been on speaking terms for several weeks. My sister in - law graduated from Dental asst school last night. I picked my father in law up so he could attend. My wife knew of the event but quite honestly I did not think she would attend, but she did. My wife had called me about 2 hrs before the event to see where it was being held. My wife appeared uneasy and I could not tell if it was because of the strain of me or the sister. My wife asked me a few non-specific questions and then said she had to pick up our youngest daughter from dance. I took my father and sisterinlaw out to dinner with my middle daughter. My wife said she could not meet with us. I felt hurt but did not show it. When I got home my wife was upstairs and did not say anything. I then went to the study and my wife came behind me to see what I was doing and asked questions about her sick sister. Sometimes I think she is coming around and other times I am not sure. She spoke to me this morning briefly and then went upstairs and here I am. Thanks for all the help. bobby O
I know it must be very hard for you, but if I didn't think you were doing a good job.....I would certainly tell you. Keep doing what you are doing. If you aren't sure about something or see a change, be sure to talk to us about it, okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
