This whole thing has me very upset. "I" don't want them at her house but they want to see their Dad...I personally am sick to my stomach at the thought of them even being near her! I just want to scream at him for all of this...it is so wrong!!! But, I cannot keep them away from their Dad. I guess I thought we would have more time, like when the D was final before I had to worry about that.
For now anyway, he is agreeing to taking it slow...
I am sorry to see that your H has married the OW...ugh!
For now anyway, he is agreeing to taking it slow...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I'm so sorry you are going thru this, thank goodness we didn't have kids we had to deal with in our D. I don't think your h is being fair to those kids! He needs to see them & he has to put their needs above his & the ow! Whether he does that or not, I'm not sure but he has to know how upset they are about this whole thing. I know it just makes you sick the thought of them being near her. It made me sick the thought of my h being near this ow, much less now marrying her & now with this baby. At the time I didn't know she was a sociopath. She is down right crazy!
At least he has agreed to take it slow, that is the best thing for now. Really, until your d is final they shouldn't be around her at all. You can really take him in the d, I don't know what state you are in but in my state it was supposed to be 50/50, didn't happen, I got almost everything even attorney's fees paid.
You try to be strong, I know, believe me I know it is much easier said than done.
CW you are handling things really well. It is so hard to advocate for your children under the circumstances, but it sounds like you took the high road and made it about them. That shows dignity and you'll always be glad that you put them first.
(((CW)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hi CW, just catching up. Bad news about OW- in my state, the parents can take their kids to see whomever (legally) as long as that person does not pose a safety risk.What about your state?
Since your kids are older, you can BET they will not warm up to OW. This will cause tension for your H and OW. If that is any comfort.
And like the others said, they can have a reality check with moving in together, dealing with kids, working on the house...
Good job making your H explain things to the kids.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I dont know for sure but go to see L on Friday as she has some child support numbers to go over with me...I still cannot even believe that this is happening really!
I sure hope you are right on the "reality check"!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I know what you mean! It's been 2 years since my d was final & I still can't believe it happened to us either!!! The first trip to my lawyers office was devastating. Anything that we ever did we did together, especially going downtown.
I agree, the moving in together, kids, etc. could have a huge effect on the R.
CW I am so sorry to see you in this confusing and hurtful place. The kids will understand right from wrong. Don't push them, stand up/set boundaries with H that he keeps their best interests in mind, and if you don't already, make a rule that you will always tell them the truth (with me, I always tell the truth but sometimes I tell them - none of your business - when it's adult matters, that way I never lie) - and always keep your promises. Never badmouth dad, remember that they are 50% him and 50% you, so if you say bad about H, you're saying it about them also.
You will do fine with this, and you're a good Mom, which is #1. OW will shoot herself eventually. In my childhood, stepmom (not OW, just stepmom) was awful to me - treated her children like gold and me like Cinderella. I hated her, and to this day only tolerate her for my dad's sake. You will not lose your kids to her, and it may just put pressure on H and OW.
Thanks for the support guys! Pass-thankyou for reminding me that I am good Mom...
Well, I only cried just a little at the L's and it was only after she said "I can see that you would rather be any place but here with me right now?" She finished my answer and cross complaint...she again stressed that she would do what I wanted but that if she did not think that what I wanted would be in my best interest she would let me know!
I told her I was apprehensive about asking for the support that she was proposing and she reminded me again of the std I got from H and his A and how expensive the med. is etc. She also reminded me that H is the one that filed and refused a LS. Before, I had asked her to drag this D out as long as possible and she pointed out that now is the time to strike (for lack of a nicer word) while H is still having some guilt. If he fights what we are asking and go to court, it is possible that OW may have to get on the stand to answer questions about the STD and she highly doubted that OW would want to have to do that in HER hometown with HER parents there and her religious background. She also reminded me, as you all have, that I need to think of myself and my kids now and not worry about what he thinks of me.
L did say that there is not a dang thing I can do about the kids staying at OW's house unless the kids say she is mean or abusive etc. or if she has a record. But, since H hasn't really seen a whole lot of the kids or asked to have them overnight, I am thinking that I won't have to worry too much about this for awhile anyway.
Why can't H and OW see what they are both doing to their families? Arrgg!!! DIL said that 3 yr old grandson asked how come grandpa is never at his house...she asked how you tell a 3 yr old that grandpa doesn't live at his house anymore...sad.
So, right now, I am still calling myself a "stander", but am having thoughts of feeling like a fool for hanging on to hope as long as I have. I made a timeline and H has been in replay since 2001...I don't know, but am thinking that someone who has been in this stage for as long as he has, is not looking very hopeful that he will ever come out of it.
Good thing I am busy all weekend...some work, some have to's, and some play! One of my co-workers talked me into joining her jazzercise class...omg, I haven't done an exercise class for at least 20yrs! But, will be good to tone up what is left after the weight loss!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
So glad you're getting advice from your L CW. I hope you will listen to her because you need to protect you and the children right now. I also find it discouraging how long H has been where he's at (since 2004 I think). Detach, detach, detach.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
