I agree, BUT if they have an OW, won't she take your place in using someone to hide behind? To blame all their problems on? To bandaid the REAL problems?
This is what I see my XH doing.
If he has an OW, then MLCer can set up a simple dichotymy: OW=perfection, W=source of all evil in world. So, it's only when you take yourself out of the equation that the MLCer is forced to look at the OW and see her flaws ... and, more importantly, realize he's not found nirvana with her. THAT could be a trigger for his beginning to face his own depression and deal with his childhood issues. It's certainly a long journey, with no guarantees ... except that, the sooner you can dissociate from the drama and focus on yourself, the sooner you will find peace for yourself.
