I guess what I am saying is I have a history of not thinking of her needs and being selfish, couldn't my actions of distancing myself be misinterpreted? I know my focus needs to be on myself and bettering me but I don't want her to think that I have given up on our R.
That is the tough thing about DBing. In some ways you WANT her to think you've given up on the R. That takes the pressure off her. There's a balance between taking the pressure off her, yet still allowing her to witness changes in you. It can be a tough balance.
Try to think of her as a friend, for now. You don't worry about how every one of your actions is being perceived and reacted to by a friend. You don't do things specifically to impress a friend, or influence them in some way. They're just someone who's in your life, yet living their own. They certainly are witness to how you live your life, without it having any significant direct impact on them.
A big part of DBing is taking the pressure off the WAW. The pressure is what makes them want to walk, presuming an A isn't going on. In my case, I started running. I did it for me, and I stuck to it. I was out of shape and lethargic, and I needed something to challenge me in a new way. Something I never would have done in the past. Did my W see it? Absolutely, but I don't think she thought I was doing it to impress her. In truth, a small part of me did want to impress her, but by far I was doing for myself. No way I could have kept it up for over two years, and run a marathon, otherwise. I also stepped up my guitar playing, and finally started performing in public. I never said a word about it to my W, but the kids told her. Is my M saved? No, but that story isn't over yet either. Regardless, I feel better about myself than I have a LONG time.
Your W is still in your life, so you don't need to make it a special point to allow her to witness your changes. The fact that you WANT to make sure she sees it tells me you're doing it for the wrong reason. If you truly think you have need to improve, for yourself, and for anyone who may someday be in your life with you, then get working on it. If you can save your M, great, and if your M ends and you meet someone new, great.
