I will be totally honest and say I knew she was hurting but I was so focused on working and handeling my own stuff that some of that fell on deaf ears. I really messed up with that. I know that it seems like I am making all these "discoveries" about myself right at the 11th hour and may seem disgenuous and just an effort to keep her around but he truth is, I have never been faced with the possibility they my M would fall apart. It was stupid and careless on my part but I think the point is I am learning, reading, examining my own issues and those are things I have never done before. I don't think she would believe me if I told her all the things I am discovering and I guess that's why my actions and my 180 are the most effective way to tell her I am serious. I don't think that just because I was acting like an idiot before, that should lessen or demean the breakthroughs and lasting changes I can make now.
