Tattoo, I am curious about what specifically your W has been upset about for so long. From what I've gathered from this thread, you say you have taken her for granted, been selfish, not thinking of her, made her feel rejected.
But can you think of the specific actions you have taken (or not taken) to make her feel that way? What made her feel hurt and rejected? What selfish things have you done?
It sounds like you have good intentions, and whole-heartedly want to reconnect and make her happy, but you have to really listen to what she's upset about. What did she ask you for in the last few years, BEFORE she expressed wanting to leave you?
If it was distance that caused her to feel this way in the first place, then more distance will make it worse. It won't be a 180, just more of the same.
This thread caught my eye because you could very well be my H (tattoos and all). I recently gave him 6 months (a second chance) before I leave for good. He has spent a lot of time not hearing what I'm saying to him about what I need. He thinks I want him to have more sex, do more chores, and talk about his feelings. What I have really been trying to say is I want physical intimacy (sex or not), I want him to be more independent, and I want him to challenge me intellectually and talk about something other than what's on TV or what's for dinner.
Maybe it would help to map out your thoughts on paper, and really think about what she has been trying to tell you. I know communication is a two-way street, and sometimes people aren't always clear. Just think of what she was asking for BEFORE she decided she wanted to leave, because now she is not going to be as likely to ask for what she needs after having asked so many times and not be heard.
