The year of not my problem

[AJM]

And now for something more.
I'm just posting. Feel free to read something more meaningful and poignant.

I was at lunch with a friend. I was describing my nightmare last night. Not sure why I had it, but it was there anyway. My nightmare was that I was walking towards my car with my kids, and three monsters were trying to steal it. I yelled at them and then tried to stop them. They threatened me and I backed off. It's only a car anyway, right? About that time my stbx came walking out and saw them, and started towards them to stop them. They started hitting her with a chain making her cry. I started to go towards them to stop them, when I realized I had to stop. I couldn't help her. One of them noticed me and pulled a gun. That's when I woke up. Weird huh?

I realized while talking to my friend just how stressed I have been. And how I am starting to de-stress. As I do, odd feelings and thoughts bubble back out. That's not a bad thing, but it is new on the scene. I haven't had a nightmare in a very long time. I have lived one for a very long time, but that's different. Same for dreams.

I do feel sad for her. I feel more sad for my kids and myself at our loss. But I don't hate her. I dislike her strongly and I have no respect for her. But I don't hate her. She has had enough hatred for the both of us. I don't feel like I need to add to that, rather I just need to protect my kids and myself and let her go. So I try to let her go a little more each day. And each day it gets easier to do. Little by little.

As the saying goes, "An elephant is best eaten in pieces." I'm chewing now, but I'll go back for more shortly

Cheers,

AJ