Okay everyone, I guess I messed up once again on DB. H told someone in front of D13 that he wasted $20 on a dating site about a month and 1/2 ago. I blew it off because I was doing the no contact thing. Usually I would have texted him or called him crying. He also asked her if she liked my boyfriend and she said Mommy doesn't have one, and he said that's not what I heard and she said well, she doesn't. Then she said do you have a girlfriend and he said no. All I do is work, sleep, and eat. And that she could come over anytime if she didn't believe him.
I have ignored the things he has said to D13 cause he knows it will get back to me (she tells all and I don't even ask her).
Anyways I got this sick feeling inside of me yesterday afternoon and went onto Match.com and there he was. Well, I cried cried and cried. Then I called H and left a message saying he needs to get the rest of his stuff out of the house (wasn't crying) and we need to settle things on loans that he hasn't been paying his half of etc. I called him by his screen name so that's how he knew I knew he was on there.
So then he said he wants the house sold, and I told him no that we get to stay there until D13 is 18, and then he also said that he wasn't paying anymore of his part of the bills because he is broke (a big lie). He said he doesn't consider himself married and could do what he wants cause we are separated. I said, that I was following our vows and that we are still M and that he would be committing adultery and he said so what. Then he comes off with he wishes he would just die already and I said so do I and hung up. I begged God to forgive me because I didn't mean it at all.
So then I call and just apologized for saying that because I don't want anything to happen to him. Didn't go over well, and I just said that we were together a month ago and you said you loved me and he said that he didn't say it.
So I thought some more of course and thought, what do I do? I don't want a D and now I blew it. So I texted H and told him that maybe he was right about selling the house but by the end of August I'm thinking of moving to FL if I'm not in a relationship by then (which I know I won't be, because of standing).
And I don't know where he gets off thinking that I need him or want him i was just want what was was best for our child. And I think its funny how he thinks he means so much to me. I was just trying to fix things for my D13, and not to worry I don't need him for anything. And that today really opened my eyes for me and D13. Thanks have a nice life.
In the text I also told him he needs to be more secretive about his porn on the computer and the condoms that D13 found in his dresser a few months back. Or she won't be seeing him anymore.
It just seemed that all of his bull started when I stopped contact and he kept pushing my buttons and I guess he finally won.
Where do I go from here? I really want to save this marriage. Or did I blow it again big time?
