still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[flowmom]

Newmama, if you want your freedom, at some point YOU may have to be the one to initiate D. It sucks, but your WH seems to be pretty comfortable with the status quo.

And I'm not suggesting flirting unless you're feeling it.

In our case, visitation is based on the children's routines, not parental convenience. We've found it easier for the children to deal with having dinner & bedtime routine in one home. I think it is hard on them to have to get in the car and make a transition right at bedtime. But I'm sure you'll find your way through this.

You're doing great NM

[newmama]

In our case, visitation is based on the children's routines, not parental convenience.

I don't understand what you are saying? Parental convenience? What?

[newmama]

Divorce is not convenient for anyone. Kids suffer. There is no getting around it. And yes, if you were wondering, the routine is the same time wise for my house and his whore house. S' new bed time is 8:30 now instead of 7:30. His naps will follow.
I think despite the divorce, the two of us will be watching S and will come to make changes as time goes on based on how S is adjusting.

Sorry but your comment sounded like you were implying that my visitation schedule is not what is best for S.

I don't want my freedom- I want my family. He has to file- he has to burn the house down, I won't do it.

[ravenly1974]

((((HUGS)))) Newmama...You are sounding SO STRONG throughout this whole thing. If you need anything you know where I'll be. I just got laid off so I've been a bit of a recluse lately, sorry.

[gatsby11]

NM, I agree with the posters that you're so strong. This is really hard-- you're giving so much, I think, to ensure H is in S' life and to fight for the M all while your H brings up D.

I agree that there's hope for you guys. I really believe it.

[flowmom]

In our case, visitation is based on the children's routines, not parental convenience.

I don't understand what you are saying? Parental convenience? What?

(((NM))) I think that came out wrong . I didn't express myself well.

All I meant to say was that IME that would be a very tricky time of day to do a switch between parents. But you know your S best and I'm sure you'll work out something that's right for all of you. It sounds like the communication about coparenting is good and that's very important.

[courageous wife]

NM-I just realized that your H said he wants a D...I am sorry! But, like you said, he's said it before...

You are and have been an inspiration to many on here! Whatever happens, you and your S will be ok!

[newmama]

I am sorry for being defensive, FM. I feel a lot of guilt about changing the visitation arrangement.

(((FM))) I apologize for snapping at you.

Thank you, Gatsby- at the same time that I feel guilty for uprooting S from his evenings here, I also feel like it is time that WH really sees what his future will look like- and it will help S adjust in the long run if this becomes his normal, sadly.

CW Logically I KNOW that I must accept WH's decision this time as one that he will follow through with. It really is better to assume it is over (at this point) so that I can make authentic steps toward detachment and acceptance of my life as a divorcee.

It sucks that he hasn't followed through in the past, though, because it makes me have 5% hope that he won't! Arghh!

AT LEAST NC will provide me with peace from seeing WH and it is the key for detachment...I did detach from him during my third trimester when I did NC but darn it, it was interrupted by S' birth!

The other thing is that divorcing with children is so strange because as much as I want to remove WH from my life, I can't.
(Aside from the mixed up life that S will lead!)

[WhatNow]

Ya know, soon enough, any evenings out will be too disruptive to baby. He is well-bonded with his dad and once a week visits with a sleep over every other week will be enough to maintain that bond.

I am not telling you to do this! I am sayin' it is ok if it comes to that. We all know a full-time dad is best, but if visits are too disruptive to the kids, things have to readjust. This may have been what FM was sayin'.

[newmama]

You could be right.