FIB is spot on. I was in a codependent R with W. I was so focused on her needs/problems I got lost.
This very difficult to detach from. Your own self worth (or lack of it) is fed by this dysfunctional relationship and you get there without even realizing it.
For me I focused on trying to control the situation. For a person in MLC that is pouring gasoline on the fire.
Once I was away from her I could see how lost I had become and then I worried what would happen to her if I wasn't there to "save" her.
These are VERY powerful feelings. To be healthy for YOU and your M you have to detach as FIB said. I had to go no contact because I would attach expectation to every communication....no matter how inconsequential. I just hoped for anything from her or to know she was OK.
...that WILL make you crazy. It has become a lot easier after a while. I am not out of the woods yet.
It will be painful but it will teach you that you won't want to go back where you've been (cycle).
Once we get to the detachment we can look at our R in healthy way and realize that they are separate from us and what they do is theirs not ours and that it should not affect us. We don't need them to do or not do anything to be happy...
I still want to be married to my W and I hope that she wants to be married to me but I don't NEED her to be happy. I don't NEED my M to be happy. Everyone is different as to when they decide they don't want their M, if ever.
But if you are truly here to go through this process it is about YOU and no one else. Wanting your M is YOUR choice.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
