I think you still are hoping for it all to work out, for him to wake up and realize what a jerk he has been. Until you accept that the odds aren't with you on this, you are going to keep caring and being miserable.
I really don't know what caused it and how it happened for me. It just did. I envisioned myself throwing that darn rope as far as the eye could see. I wasn't going to pick it up or look at it again. Sure I have had a couple of slips but for the most part am doing pretty good.
No one can get you there though I really wish I could.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
You are like me, you try to detach and then you get sucked back in. You've been at it a lot longer, though, so maybe will be harder for you to learn to let go?
What do you do when you ARE able to have a good time and focus on yourself? (remember two things - one, when you focus on yourself, you are better able and more available to take care of your kids (think of when you're on a crashing plane and you put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your kids... if you pass out, you can't help them) and two, the girls will see that it's important for them to take care of themselves FIRST and will be happier in their lives/marriages - lead by example)
So, when you are able to be happy FOR YOURSELF - what are you doing? What can you do to be able to DO MORE of that?
Think about it. If it's drawing, do it while at practice with your kids, if it's bubble baths, do it after they're in bed. Whatever it is, find your bliss and make it happen.
I think I know what piano I want. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I sent an e-mail to a local music store and have already received 3 phone calls (note to self, do not use real phone number). I just haven't had time to go in.......
D13 came home Monday night with eye pain; S11 with ear pain. Things were not better Tuesday a.m. - got multiple texts from H (since they were with him)......got to work made an appt. for D to go to eye Dr. H took D to eye Dr. - she diagnosed allergy and told D to wear glasses for 10 days.......H says except when pitching (who knows??)
Was sure S had swimmers ear (hot tub - not naked) so called our neighbor/pediatrician. I felt really bad since it was her day off, but thought she would call in some drops....instead she made a house call to the school and looked at him. Swimmers ear - but bad enough that she called in antibiotics too-----boy do I owe her!
D13 had track meets Monday and Tuesday - I went and brought her back so she wouldn't have a late bus ride----and to show her support. H is still being a baby about track and we had multiple exchanges (via text) today about her lack of pitching practice.....ughhhh.....I drafted an e-mail to him, but sent it to myself. Not getting into the emotions of it----progress!!
Got home last night, was doing laundry at 10 and took a load of towels in to kid bathroom to find that the plumbing I had worked on had a slow leak - and the towels that were left were soaked. Slept as best I could.....worrying about plumbing, and D's eye---inability to find her glasses and need to reschedule her ortho appt. that was for today (she told me last night she HAD to pitch with dad tonight).
Left the house unlocked - called the plumber, hopefully it's handled by now...............HAVE to mow tonight!!! Rain moving in.................
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Ditto on the mowing for me. Think my mower is toast though. I hate getting behind on the grass cause it will take me six hours versus the normal four to get it done now.
BTY..keep that rain over on your side of the state. We've had enough.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
We've had enough rain.....snow....sleet....hail......I hope it's not too tall in places to mow. AND I hope the rain stays away from the ballgames this weekend! Track meet Monday was in the rain, and I've had enough sitting in the stands getting soaked.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Well....I got the zero turn as one of my parting gifts....I guess he cared enough that if he was going to be sticking me with 5 acres to mow, I would have the right machine to do it.....
S11 helped mow last night --- on the zero turn -- it is FUN to drive. I push mowed for about an hour and then took the mower from him. Got it all done but the trimming.....which doesn't happen very often - and there isn't much to trim when you have zero turn...
Having a bit of an emotional day.....wondering if I need to confirm that H is still seeing (or seeing again) the OW before things progress with D...............just have that sick feeling and I can't make it go away.
I did get my first statement from L - no billing since she drafted the letter telling him I was not filing and that it was up to him to suggest a settlement, but I know it's only time.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
How long does it take to get used to facing a weekend without your kids?? I'll even see them when I'm at their ballgames, but knowing it's just to watch, and that I don't get to bring them home with me makes me dread the weekend.........
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
