still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

btw I decided that I will make a list of all the restaurants in my area that I want to try and in 3 weeks will start to go (once per week) and check them out. I am doing this nutrisystem thing for this month and don't want to ruin my progress by dining out. I will continue exercising this month and next so it will offset the calorie intake from the restaurant.

Today S and I will go to the drop in gym, eat lunch, then go to sign up for my golf class. He will take a nap and then on the way to meet his daddy we will go to Goodwill to get some more books (HE LOOOVES books! Being a teacher I am so happy!).

[4luv]

I would say be indifferent. Don't be overly happy or sad....just be indifferent. Its almost like poker...the best player doesn't show happy or sad...just neutral and it makes the other players curious as to what cards they are holding.

[avermont]

I'm all about the skort!

I, too, am 5'4, and my thighs just won't tone up like my arms do. Blame my Eastern European ancestry. NO shorts have ever looked good on me.

So I hear ya!

Here's to the last 20 lbs--step by step, little by little!

[avermont]

Wow, newmama, SO strong, so in control. Taking the wheel, driving your life.

My hat and skort off to you!

[newmama]

Ok I will be indifferent. I don't feel like dressing up all sexy or whatever because I don't. In the future, sure. But when I drop off S I plan to return to my house and work out and clean.

Hey- I lost 4 pounds since last time I weighed myself! 18 to go! (I do this weird thing where I only weigh myself when I can face the number, lol! But it has helped me lose weight this whole time.)

Oh and my SIL informed me that she was thinking of asking her neighbor, who works with WH, about OW. Like "do you know OW?" and then take things from there, based on what the neighbor says.

I told her "you have free will--do what you want. BUT PLEASE TELL ME WHAT SHE SAYS!"

I asked how closely they work together since it is a huge building. She said enough where the neighbor tells her how her brother shows her pictures of S.

[flowmom]

Congrats on the weight loss! But you've already got all the sass you need

Attitude around your H? I vote for "we're friends but I'm too busy to pay attention to you right now", with random occasional hints of veiled flirtation.

[newmama]

Thanks Aver and FM!

So I exchanged S in the parking lot as planned...WH was there about 5 minutes I guess before we got there. I just handed S over, told him I gave him tylenol (teething) about 1. Then said goodbye and left before WH put S in his car seat.

WH did ask me what time to drop him off and I said 9:30 and he asked if I would be there earlier (????) I said no. I think it needs to be as close to the time we stated as possible. Of course there will be 5-10 minutes so I will be sure to be home by 9:15 (I am a "time" oriented person- ENFJ)

I went home, cleaned, watched Oprah, worked out, drank wine and then showered and did my hair and make up. Might as well look like I went out.

While I was here at the house, I felt "free" because I didn't feel like going out tonight and I didn't have leave my own house!

I also felt guilty for making S do the commute, start to fall asleep with WH and the whore and then have to get packed up in the car and be plopped down in his crib. Poor guy. I might rethink this Thursday night thing.

So WH arrived about 9:22 (I happened to hear his car and then he opened the garage probably to check and see that I was here). He arrived and S was half awake. He asked me if I wanted him to put him in his crib (which I appreciate-he obviously wasn't sure if I would want to take him at the door).

I was wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms. I smiled at S and was polite to WH but wasn't feeling flirty yet. Who knows if I will ever at this point! Luckily he didn't linger and just told me some basics and then verified that we will exchange him on Saturday at the Taco Bell parking lot by my dad's house (going to my sister's college graduation).

So that was it. I hope all the exchanges are that fast with minimal discussion.

Here is the schedule for NOW (while I am SAHM):
Mon 5:15-9
Tues: 5:15 overnight to Wed until 2
Thurs: 5:15-9:30
Sat: 4:00 overnight to Sun until 12

I have just decided to make my Thurs night and make it 9 and not 9:30 for S' sake. Seriously. Poor guy!

[newmama]

done- sent the text to change Thurs to 9 for S' sake. WH replied w/ "ok. it is good to keep him in a routine I think as well."

*&^$##@@@)(*&%$#@@!!

I don't know why his response makes me mad but it does.

About how I act. I will avoid being nasty or cruel. I will just be me. It's funny that my SIL holds the biggest grudges and was completely sad and angry with her H when he would exchange the kids and flaunt OW in her face. But that didn't seem to stop him from wanting to R. He saw it as she was treating him fairly based on how he was treating her.

Lucky for me, I was born with a PMA that I have 80% time probably. So if I am in a good mood, I will be pleasant. But if I am sad sometimes when WH sees me does that really matter? Come on.

[courageous wife]

How does it feel to have a little control? Good for you!

[newmama]

Well I just feel weird. It will take awhile for all of this to sink in. I just think back to the 4 other times he talked D and didn't follow through. Don't get me wrong, I will believe he is serious this time. But what I mean is that he said it, I waited but didn't bring it up, nothing happened for months or weeks.

Does this make sense to anyone? I mean how it kind of doesn't feel real yet because his history of actions has been talk talk talk?

I guess by me acting like he means it will help it to happen.But I still don't plan on asking him about it.