The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Counseling appointment today was uneventful. I'm ready emotionally for the divorce settlement conference tomorrow. The abandonment book has me seeing my feelings more clearly and STBXW's rapidly deteriorating financial position has me in the mindset of getting this done fast to protect the girls.

Of course, I haven't met her lawyer and I hear he's a piece of work. I'm sure he'll toss some bait to see if I bite. Am I smart enough to not bite. That'll be the question.

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, sending positive thoughts and hoping today turns out to be a lifting experience for you!

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks SR. I went to a singles group through church last night. I think it's going to be fun. Most in it are in their 30s with a couple in their late 20s -- but I don't think I'm messing with the group mojo too much.

This morning I got up early to play my first round of golf for the year. I shot an 89, which is very good for me considering I hadn't even gone to the range yet.

I put $20 in my bi-weekly budget for golf but the park district, which runs five courses, is offering a 2-for-1 deal every Friday. So as long as I get someone to go with every Friday I can double my play.

The tax problem from Thursday and STBXW's rapidly deteriorating financial position have me in a good frame of mind going into the settlement conference. I need to get financially separated from her as quickly as possible.

Positive note. The budgets are working for me. April will be the first month since I moved into my apartment in July that I earned more than I spent. I now have to duplicate this month-after-month for the rest of my working life.

I highly recommend Financial Peace University and "The Journey from Abandonment to Hope" for all LBSs.

Well, off to the conference.

[ClingingToHope]

No matter how good I feel or how much I convince myself I'm ready for these sessions, I'm not.

The divorce settlement conference. Sitting there going through bills and stuff. For 15 years I've done whatever I could to help her and the now end is drawing closer, closer and closer.

And I'm still not ready. I'm not ready to sign the documents to sell the house. I'm not ready to sign the final papers. I'm not ready to receive the notification in the mail that I'm single again.

I mean, she's a mess. They started going through her credit cards. She's maxed four since I moved out. I looked at her. Her arms look heavy and she looks tired. She's starting to show her age.

But I didn't care -- at least today. When I look at her I see the girl I married and it hurts, hurts, hurts.

The abandonment book talks about how you'll go through the stages again and again. Today, I'm hurting big time.

I don't even care about the settlement issues right now. I just care about the end of a dream. It's been a hard marriage, especially the last few years. But I kept plugging because I believed there was someone better inside of STBXW and I was the one who could bring it out. I still think that, even if that's the wrong reason to marry someone or stay married. I guess God has a different plan. It's hard to see what it is today.

[smith18]

I feel for what you are going through. It is a darned shame that your marriage has to end. Your wife may regret it some day, but dont even anticipate or concern yourself with that. You seem to be plugging away pretty good and you will be surprised where you end up in another year.

[awest1217]

You really now have to detach from H because as she maxes out more cards, your credit goes down as well. It is important that you financially get free.

Did you get joint custody through this or at least keep what you have now?

Do your best to shake everything off before you get the girls tonight so you can have a great weekend with them.

[kat727]

I am sorry. It is always hard when this isn't what you want. There is a saying which I could butcher but the gist is, If you keep looking at the closed door, you won't see the ones opening up around you.

She is in no place to save a marriage let alone herself. Let her go. I have seen people come back together after divorce but both people have to work out their won stuff first. This is the time for you to focus on you. I know it hurts(been there) but you have to get through it to go forward.

kat

[TulsaTime]

Just want you to know I feel ya.

[ClingingToHope]

Did something dumb. It's my weekend with the girls. D7 had a daisy troup movie night and D11 went to a friend's house so I could hit the grocery store. When I was home and finished packing I checked the computer. D11 is on Facebook and she's friends with STBXW.

So I checked STBXW's page. She's going to some biker retreat in July. I know a lot of you have gone through worse, but still it sent me into a tailspin.

Why, why, why do I care? Why can't I let go? Last night I was in a singles class talking to interesting eligible women. I will be fine if I just focus on myself. Why can't I remember that?

[antlers]

Stay off of her FaceBook page! Nothing good can come out of you doing this. It'll be easier to 'let go' if you stop doing stuff like that. Healing and getting better isn't something that 'just happens'. It requires effort and conscious decision making.