Hopefully a new beginning

[kissak]

WEll, last night wasnt so great...I guess you could say me and my H had our first back together "discussion" as he would say. I would say it was a fight...haha.

We went to my son's ballgame last night. We havent been so happy that our son is being keep in the dugout so much and only being able to hit once if that while other kids hit 3 or 4 times. Of course this is his first year on this league, but he has been playing for 4 years, 3 of them being with this coach. Well, that last few games my H gets so mad about it BUT wont say anything to the coach....he gets so mad he says he will take our son home and he wont play at all for this team...some of the kids can be ugly to if our son doesnt make a good play. Now, Our son has a very good attitude about it all and it shows, even the coachs will reward him for it...I understand there are better players than him, but he is there to have fun and to be given the opportunity to play and learn. Well, last night I was working the concession stand and didnt really get to watch the game...my H did though. He was NOT happy once again, but was so mad he wouldnt talk to the coach....so I had made up my mind that I was going to go and just mention nicely to the coach that I would like to see my son play a little more....

so, I waited patiently for the other parents to leave, I didnt see my H around, so I talked to the coach...told him how i would like to see son play more because he was beginning to not wanna play if he didnt get to hit any...coach understood, of course he made lots of excuses too...anyway, I see my H standing in the distance waving for me to come to him and I said to him "hold on". Well, he walked away....my conversation with the coach lasted maybe 5 min....a couple of other mothers with the same concern approached him to about their kids.

We are just moms who come out to watch our kids play...not sit in the dugout! OK anyway...sorry so long, but Im getting to the point, lol.....

I walked out to the truck where my H was...we had drove separately...he was furious with me!!! MAD more like it! I wanted to know why! He said he werent going to discuss it right then...ok, so I walked away, got in my vehicle and went home....waited for him to get there...stayed out of his way till he cooled off....of course by then I was mad...mad that he was mad at me for speaking up when he wouldnt do it!!

Well, finally I went to him and asked why he was so mad at me....of course by then he just says "its fine, nothing, it doesnt matter know, Im over it" UGH! That ticked me off! Then I told him that if it didnt matter I wouldnt be there having the discussion with him. He then began to raise his voice at me about WHY....Of course I got upset, because I hate confrontation! Hate it with a passion....anyway...this is one of my things too...I have never been someone to speak up when I think something is wrong, but since my separation I have learned to change that and now I do speak up when I dont agree with something especially when it has to do with my kids....trust me, I was nervous talking to that coach, but I walked away proud that I did it....then my H has to shoot me down....I told him that too...then after saying more stuff he just said he was proud of me for speaking up.

BUT the fact of the matter was he was MAD because I overstepped him. Thats what he said....I overstepped him. He was mad because I spoke up before he could get it together to do it! Honestly I dont think he would have ever said anything!

I dont think I did a thing wrong...the only thing I hated was that I got upset at my H and cried in front of him, but dangit, I was hurt that he didnt back me up!!!

I did say that I was sorry we were fighting about it and he said we werent fighting, just discussing....ok whatever! Anyway, by then he is over it and wanting to act like everything is fine and if I am mad at him! uh, yea, just a bit....he did mention that if I thought we were never going to get mad at each other I needed to know that things like that were going to happen...I did remember to NOT walk away from a discussion because that was one of his biggest complaints when he left....that I would always walk away....I did walk back and forth for a little while when talking and he would say that I better not walk away...he was thinking I would but I didnt...I stayed and stood up for myself!!!

There!! I just have to get over the fear of him getting mad at me....my first thoughts go to him leaving me if he gets mad....just a trust issue for me to work through...

wow, what I night...even worse, my kids knew something was going on...I had to assure them that everything was fine.

Well, maybe this was just a test....one of many Im sure.

Sorry this was so long, but had to get it out so I would quit thinking about it!!

I hate when people are mad at me....hate it!! and my H was being such a butt...;)

OK done venting!