GF,

I decided to pull this over here, because I didn’t want to hijack SA’s thread anymore…

First,

Thank you for the birthday wishes. smile It is actually going to be a very good day I think, although I have never made a big deal about my birthday. Just another day. But 38, well it is the new 28 so maybe it will be fun…LOL

Now something I wanted to address…

I know I have been sort of tough on you…

I won’t apologize for that…

I am just sort of blunt most days…

One thing I have noticed is that you keep commenting on you “doing things wrong” because of your faith, or what seems logical, or for whatever reason…

Please try to get that out of your head…

It is self defeating…

We ALL make/made mistakes…

It is part of this process… shocked

There is no one size fits all answer, what works for one person, but not for ten others, still might be worth giving a shot, you just never know…

However, that being said…

It is ok to have questions and concerns and to contemplate different courses of action. And just because it doesn’t work, does not mean it was WRONG.

It becomes wrong when you have LEARNED it didn’t work and you keep REPEATING it anyway. crazy

I also realize that the Faith thing can be confusing. Because faith tells us to love unconditionally and to see with the eyes of Christ, treat others as you would like to be treated, etc…

Which, on a very logical level, can seem to go against DB principals of GAL, Detatching, No Contact…

God has a plan for each of us and we are not privy to what that plan is…

While He may not always be seeming to answer our prayers, because we aren’t getting the results that we want, He is taking care of us in the way that He sees fit, IF we allow it to happen…

And it most certaintly does not happen in our time… frown

I was told once that I was behaving as if I was trying to push a cart full of bricks, and to stop because they were not my bricks and it was not my cart to push…

Before that, I had tried many different things, to see how H responded…without any sort of result that brought me closer to the goal that I thought I wanted…

I was stuck. Stuck in a place of unhappiness, loneliness, with very little direction as to where my life was going. But that cart full of bricks thing sort of stuck with me…I realized that I had no choice…I had to let go, to hand it over to God and to TRUST that whatever the outcome, even if it was not the one that I THOUGHT I wanted, that the outcome would be the best outcome for me and would be in His plan.

Life started coming back together for me. Slowly. I learned to be happy with me. I learned to live for me and for my S, and I just let myself seep out into the world.

Because of that, I am no longer lonely. I have some wonderful friends, people who are supportive in me in ways that I never had before in my life. And although, I have chosen to no longer stand, my H, has had some moments of clarity and I have received some of the answers that I was looking for.

Because I took a step back, I have been allowed to really see what he is going through internally. While it is not daily, I have been given the opportunity to listen to him, to hear his pain, his dreams, his fears, his guilt, and even understand a bit (while I still am not so sure that he does), what he is trying to overcome.

He came to me, out of the blue, not because I reached out to him.

Trust me, it is a mental illness, no matter what anyone else says. It is the most painful thing I have ever had to watch someone go through. It is sad and scary and when you read people’s words who say you don’t want to know what is going on in the MLCer’s head, believe them.

Ok I rambled…LOL (maybe old age is setting in early) wink

My point, was that because of my Faith, faith in God, NOT necessarily in Marriage, but in God and in His power, things that I thought would never happen, without me doing SOMETHING to bring them about, have happened.

God does NOT want us to suffer. He does NOT want us to be miserable, especially in the name of Faith. There is a balance that He wants us to find. Part of that means letting go of things that we can’t control and trusting that the outcome will be what ever it is supposed to be.

Think about that…and have a wonderful Cat’s birthday. We can all celebrate by doing something special for ourselves.

Me...

I'm getting jewelery grin


"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox