Getting bad advice from "friends" . . . . .

[TimeHeals]

My assumption is that you are here because your wife seems to be giving up on your relationship.

Part of that giving up may very well be seeking counsel from somebody who affirms the position she's already firming up. You have already told her how you feel about that.

In an healthy marriage, both partners share the emotional stuff with one another, and they don't need to share a bunch of negative stuff with a third party to get their approval for feeling negative about the marriage.

So... my next assumption is that your wife will probably not listen to this attempt at setting boundaries and will instead see it as you trying to manipulate her or control her (I could be wrong, but it is common "persuing" behavior when somebody is pulling away from you) because your marriage is not currently in a healthy state. It happens, and I am not saying it is your fault. It takes strength, patience, and courage to stick it out in a marriage when things get tough, and it takes a great deal of courage, flexibility and understanding to face and overcome problems in a relationship.

Finally, my last assumption is that financial stress is a large contributing factor to the problems you are having.

Based on those assumptions what I (and most everybody here) am trying to get you to do is focus on self-improvement. It could be by re-doubling job seeking efforts, it could be by doing a bunch of smaller things (that you would need to do if you were on your own anyway) that she wouldn't expect you to do that contribute to your emotional, mental and financial well being.

You know your life better than anyone, so in the end you are going to have to figure out where you can do your 180s.

Here's an excercise, try to come up with a list of 3 things that your wife has complained or hinted about more than once that bothered her over the course of your marriage where you could do a 180, and doing the 180 would make you a better, stronger and more secure person.

The idea is not to beat yourself up here; the idea is to identify areas where you can improve and empower yourself for the sake of self-improvement and empowerment.