Al,the last 3-4 weeks we had zero time alone. I think that is part of me feeling there is no connection. Today he slept till... 11:30 and got up in time to pick up my D. On his way out he said one of the chief editors wants to take us out for dinner and he was on the phone right then. I said sorry we didnt have time to talk about it, tell him you'll reply later. He got upset.
So, he has no schedule for today for us. It feels as we are wasting a day/hours that are valuable. It is the same pattern as before. It is upsetting to think of all the enrgy he put to be with and what he does for us.
Plus I saw a dream that was so vivid. I saw I was reading on a flat screen, his emails to her replying to her re quest to go back to her. I was reading the chain of emails and felt so...decieved. It is an obsession. That is what I want the recorder for. Verify that he deserves a litle bit of the trust I am showing him.
It will never be the same between us. And especially since his honesty was one of the things I really adored about him, I dont know how to tackle this inside. When you loose respect for your spouse, not as a father or human being, but as a man, how do you restore that?
HIs father has been MIA. No visits or calls. I think he is mad at me for talking to BiL. I couldnt care less and if he brings it up (which he wont) he is about to hear a few things I am holding back. K
