Men-putz's- my hubby would never read any of the books I wanted him to read either. I honestly think he does not get how important it is to you. I really feel strongly on this.
About the superficial thing- I would think time together would solve that. Doesn't Hartley say- 16 hours a week alone? I know who can pull that off. But some alone time together is totally important.
I do understand that frustration b/c for years hubby and I lived almost as roommates with benefits and never any dates, rare interactions. 8 years since a date! I was pushing hard for one but backed off and am happy that about every other weekend we watch a video together. That is more time that we ever had spent together since the kids.
So can you ask for maybe a few hours tomorrow instead- like 3 or 4? Instead of the whole day?
I know how you will feel though- b/c even if your hubby agrees- you feel like he is forced to do it and you WANT him to do it. If that makes sense... blah!
Best
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Morning! Good luck for your Dad today K, but then you have to wait for the results hey, it must be so hard to see him go through these treatments.
I didnt understand the voice recorder part, I must have missed something. I'm not sure why H didnt want to arrange something, but he does still work hard hey and you once said to me he has NO time for normal life, seeing family friends or just doing chores, going to shops to buy toiletries, shirts etc, just downtime. You get more of that (its his choice I know!) so maybe he just doesnt want to commit to a day out on his precious day off. In other words, it might not be about you. I can see its disappointing for you and you need and hope for more connection.
I was thinking, it may come.. rememner you kept posting that you would never ML, you couldnt see it happenong, you were convinced he didnt fancy you... well look at you two now kiddo!! So the same could be true for this perceived lack of connection. Unfortunately for you, H is just very very slow isnt he, but like the tortoise and the hare, he gets there eventually xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Al,the last 3-4 weeks we had zero time alone. I think that is part of me feeling there is no connection. Today he slept till... 11:30 and got up in time to pick up my D. On his way out he said one of the chief editors wants to take us out for dinner and he was on the phone right then. I said sorry we didnt have time to talk about it, tell him you'll reply later. He got upset.
So, he has no schedule for today for us. It feels as we are wasting a day/hours that are valuable. It is the same pattern as before. It is upsetting to think of all the enrgy he put to be with and what he does for us.
Plus I saw a dream that was so vivid. I saw I was reading on a flat screen, his emails to her replying to her re quest to go back to her. I was reading the chain of emails and felt so...decieved. It is an obsession. That is what I want the recorder for. Verify that he deserves a litle bit of the trust I am showing him.
It will never be the same between us. And especially since his honesty was one of the things I really adored about him, I dont know how to tackle this inside. When you loose respect for your spouse, not as a father or human being, but as a man, how do you restore that?
HIs father has been MIA. No visits or calls. I think he is mad at me for talking to BiL. I couldnt care less and if he brings it up (which he wont) he is about to hear a few things I am holding back. K
Well never say never ?? No, but seriously, I was thinking this morning (after reading sadly what had happened with bbj and Dan) it IS an extrodinary thing where you are.. not only that he willingly came back after 3 years with ow, but that he does seem '1000% in', as he said to you recently and recommitted to you and your M..even if he doesnt romance you quite enough (or barely !?) still!
And what you have done is huge, HUGE.. you took back and are willing to try to trust him again after a 3 year affair. But then, to have not done so, would be 'cutting your nose off to spite your face' IMHO. There are so many positives, surely, to getting your H back, even if things arent perfect (there are, arent there!?).
I understand you wanting to 'verify' the trust you are putting in him - you dont want to be made a fool again and are extra alert, worried she is still present. Even in my seemingly stable sitch I get nervous now and then...bf still has some contact through work and as I saw again last night, she is probably NOT over him. I guess for them, they got dumped and he is 'the one that got away' afterall.
Its natural to feel nervous. How about being honest with him and talk it through, seek some reassurance?? xx
When you lose respect for your spouse, not as a father or human being, but as a man, how do you restore that?
You don't.
He does.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
We didnt do anything. The daystarted badly because I was..mean. EI actually tol dhim I want out because too much stress is bad for my health, that I cant deal with it. He said I am unacceptable and ruining our efforts...
It ended with...sex. Before that, he came to me and hugged me, put his arms around me, caressed me in front of people.
It's pattern, I blow up and he stays...calm and patient.
Today was better. Much better although I told him playfully I still want to divorce him. He smiled but was hurt, I would see that.
Anyway, I learn and he learns. Dad was ok. The puppy wants to leave the country, the kids are kiling him - LOL K
