I've been there for years with my situation. I beg you again to read "Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You" by Patricia Evans. In short, you are letting him create your drama and it will only get worse especially if you continue to live blocks away with shared children in a small town. Clue . . . when his parents die it will only get worse. Shut his crazy ass patterns down now. Been there, done it. Move On when you're young!
As for Dan, I've had two dear friends commit suicide -- one out of the blue and the other under total suicide watch. It appears that neither suicide was for bad family situations. Both men were extremely wealthy with happy families, but both felt guilty because they invested other peoples' money in bad "Madoff" type schemes. So I say suicide should not be taken lightly, but based on past experience it can't always be prevented. At some point, as selfish as it may seem, we need to put ourselves and and our children first.
I hate to be morbid, but Dan is an adult who choice to ignore his problems. You offered to face his issues with him. He declined to participate as did my husband. I'm stuck in a hell because I stood behind my husband who was broken and too late I realized that he refused to face issues. My friend and her children, who had no clue her husband and their father was broken and would have stood with him, have grieved his suicide and moved on. In the end, my child and I have a broken person who won't change nor leave. Either way you lose, but with Dan gone you have a way forward.
