Getting bad advice from "friends" . . . . .

[DaddyLongShanks]

You CAN control your wife - IF SHE ALLOWS IT and vice-versa.
Alot of good information here.

Aye, there's the rub, eh? Now, I too find the advice of friends and relatives almost useless in relationships, and what is more... I have noticed folks will shop around for the friend or relative that offers the advice that supports their own position the most when they are thinking about leaving a relationship.

So your saying that when we get bombarded by these friends giving our spouses information that is detrimental to us and our relationship that the spouse was purposely listening to what they want to hear? We suffer as a result, we blame the friends - but it really was the wife picking who she was listening to?

That being said, there is a bit of irony in being mad about a spouse that does this with a particular same sex friend while you do it with anonymous strangers on a message board.

There is a difference as most people on forums like this are given positive advice in attempts to save a marriage. What we hear these "friends" giving is advice that is focused on controlling us, or asking why are they with us. You said earlier that while we may blame the friends, the friends may actually be telling her what she wanted to hear... Something to think about.

We're all trying to help in our own way, and most of us have walked in similiar shoes at one time or another. Different things have worked for each of us at different times, but ... I am thinking... he already told his W. he didn't appreciate this role her friend is playing in their marital problems..., and she already decided she doesn't care what he thinks about it right now.

Any of those friends who aren't marriage friendly, or the hard core "single" person putting their business causing us to jump around like a hot potatoe, or to get dumped, or the be cheated on. We don't like those friends. But our spouse did not have to listen, and like you said, perhaps the spouse aligned themself with this person because they wanted to do precisely that. If the spouse is to recover the marriage, along with affair partners, they need to distance from friends such as this.

I am thinking this might not be one of the fights he may want to pick when there's so much more going on in his life.

I would think getting out there and pounding the pavement and getting another job that pays well might be a huge turn around, for example. I know it's tough in this economy, but if he were single, he'd have to do that if he wanted a house to live in.