2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

Hi there,

Glad I can help anyone out !

I know exactly what you mean when you talk of making it 4 days. In the last 2.5 years I have never gone more than about 4 days. Like I said it's been about a month of me not initiating but we still have contact. My ex has tried to be a bit chatty but I usually just kill the conversation. I don't know if I am doing the right thing. What I do know is my ex is never coming back. There really is no reason for her to do so. She leads a very charmed life with anything she wants afforded to her.

I miss my 2 little kids like you can't believe.

As much as I would love to be intimate with my ex right now I can't possible imagine the pain and emptiness that would bring after. So, I feel for you.

I have to see my ex on Saturday at my kids school fair. Not looking forward to that as I will also be surrounded by all the other parents that we are both friends with.

My ex contacted me a few days ago and asked my how I was. I could not even answer her so I just answered about a kid issue that was also in the email. After I responded to the kid question she emailed me again and asked "if I was good?" I wanted to scream NO I am not good our family is destroyed and I miss everyone....but I didn't. I just said I am good, thanks. She wrote back "glad to hear". It's like she has no idea of any of this.

Ya, try not to look at anything like Facebook etc. I used to torture myself with that stuff. It's not worth it. My ex has also been in the paper and magazines as she is very social.

To tell you the truth the whole divorce papers etc. did not bother me so much as I was in denial that all of this was even happening. I really thought she was going to wake up and we would be a family again. Unfortunately I now know that is never going to happen.

I too am really bitter now. From what I understand I am entering the last stages of the grief process. Hopefully I will be able to let go soon.

Ya, my friends and family don't really want to hear about it all anymore so I do wish there were people around to talk to.

So many of us survivors are uncomfortable about saying that we lead lonely lives now. When I don't have my kids I just walk around in a fog trying to fill my time.

A few weeks ago I got an text from my ex on a weekend she had the kids. She wrote "I hope you are having a nice weekend". She meant it in a positive way. Can you imagine??? I ended up writing her back saying yes my weekend was going ok but it would be much better if I was with my family. She never responded.

Sorry I am venting as I am feeling really down right now....I don't have my kids tonight.
To tell you the truth I am just feeling overwhelmed.