Messed up

[jt2007]

((hugs)) 4u seekinganswers

Have to keep reminding every now and then they are in selfish mode.

I agree with his therepy, or major change.
Sad thing is I dont think he ever will..Not unless He realizes that he has a problem...and for now that problem is me (to him)

Maybe it will take him being in a few other relationships to make him realize..I dont know.

I can always tell when him and OW are having probs because he says he doesnt feel good and he thinks all women are horrible(uses other language)
(thats one of the signs that I had when I found out he was being emotioanlly envolved w/her- and she didnt want him to come and see her..or she had put him down in some way)---
When he was feeling good then I knew he was going to be taking a trip or she had done something nice for him.

took me a while to figure that one out because I thought what I was doing was making it better for us.

I finally realized nothing I could do at this point was remotely even looked at. Everything I did was soon met with: "why are you trying to make me feel guilty" and I had no idea what he was feeling guilty about...so whatever


I know my son is right and very precious to me...
at least I have something good from those years.

Now that I have had some time to myself..I see how I react based on how our realationship was conducted for 16yrs.

I have lots to do for myself to get this more right.. I had no idea how to establish boundaries..

My sister said this to me and I keep trying to remember it:
Its like putting up a fence and you keep all your pretty and nice things you like there..things that make you happy.

Its up to you to allow or not allow someone to come over and mess up your yard!
You are not the one that messed up the yard, they are and If they cant respect your yard then get them out, they are not helping and wont help.

------
I am going to try and take the advice on not giving him any of my feelings, needs , wants and dreams.

If he is interested then I guess he will ask..forget trying to relate to him, all he does is stomp on me.

I cant believe Im learning so much now...
I wish this was all sooner than later...but who knows why?
Just going to go with the flow now, not do the regret thing.