I think you are right about the LL, I hadn't even considered that one could be a mix of more than one.
What I need to change, I see your points. I have been working overtime on #2 (not controlling). These are the things that have really surprised him. He suggests something he thinks I will disagree with, I actually take his side and offer another reason his idea is a good one. No, it doesn't always have to be my way! I have been doing this for several weeks now and no, the sky has not fallen.
I understand #1 (putting my needs ahead), just have to work on that, it won't come naturally to even know what my needs are which is probably why #3 (be myself) is so overwhelming to me.
I am most happy (aside from my family) when I am helping others. I take a lot away from my job because I get to really dig in and help people at their most challenging times. I work with troubled teens and their families. People tell me every day that I am a blessing to them. It has always felt so good, but right now I feel like a sham because I don't have it together in my own family.
I also love baseball! Now both boys are playing and I am at the park more nights each week than not. Life just feels better at the diamond. We used to go to pro and college games as a couple, then as a family, but this year have not. Maybe I need to just up and go myself or just me and the boys.
I've been thinking of doing something new for myself and have decided I will try Yoga. The relaxation part of it is very appealing. I hope to get into a class in a few weeks after HS graduation when my schedule is a little more flexible at work.
You have said a lot to help. What I was looking for from my first post were quick fixes and examples of things to try right away to change H. You have made me keep stopping and rethinking things to see what I need or want change about/for myself.
