Hey Tatt...sorry you're going through this crap. I really am. If it's any consolation to you your story is so very, very familiar. Hang in there.
I'm going through a similar situation that hit me totally out of the blue. Yes, I took my wife's love for granted. It was solidd as a rock and I took that as "cleared hot" to do all the things I wanted/needed to do in order to advance my career and hit retirement with the military. Now..way late in the game, I'm finding that I was not there when I needed to be and my marriage has paid the price. We are still married and not even legally separated but we are living in different states. The separation is more job related but it's still a separation that may well lead to a legalization..formalization of that condition. So, I feel your pain and have been dealing with it for nearly 5 months.
I did all the things you did. I begged, I pleaded, I took all of the blame on myself. What did I get for it? Lots of sleepless nights, loss of job productivity, loss of some credibility on the job...in otherwords, I got nothing good out of it. Afer getting over the initial shock I hit some individual therapy and I have discovered some things about myself that I never fully understood. I've honestly identified some things that need to change...anger and emotional dependency being the two primary areas. So, I'm working on these. Not for her, not for the marriage but for me. First and foremost, it'll make me a better father to my son and daughter but it will also make me a better person. A better employee when I retire from Uncle Sam and a better leader for those who do and will work for me. Yes, the catalyst to seek these changes was the failing of my marriage but that was the catalyst, not the sustaining motivation.
Do NOT pursue her. Let me say that again...DO NOT pursue her. All you will do is drive her further away. Avoid confronting her with the relationship. Leave it alone. Internalize it, post it here, keep a journal...I don't care where you "vent" but don't do it to her. All that will do is drive her further away. If you can convince her to at least try some counseling make sure your counselor is interested in saving a marriage rather than arranging an amicable divorce. There is a difference and you need to be sure you're getting the marriage saving option.
You are a good person (I am assuming) but you have faults. Who among us does not? As long as you didn't physically or verbally abuse her you've got a chance. As long as you aren't a serial cheater...you've got a chance. Do NOT beat yourself up. This is HER decision...not yours.
This next part was the hardest thing for me to embrace but what few gains I have seen have come directly from this concept:
Learn to love her by letting her go. If she needs space..give it. If she needs to leave...let her. DO NOT try to hold onto her. Let go. You've got 6 months (your words...not mine) before she can leave. Give her space and don't try to convince her to stay. Just do your 180's and Get A Life (GAL). Remain pleasant and fun....be the guy she wants to hang out with but don't cling, don't grasp...just let go. It's hard and it hurts but it seems to be working in very small increments for me.
