W still wants separation, need to DB more

[Glimmerman]

....but OIN IS married and his wife DOES exist. I personally see nothing wrong with what OIN is doing. My experience with a WAW has shown me that they believe they have ALREADY put all their energy and effort into the marriage, and are done trying. OIN's wife may have already checked out of the marriage...I don't know. Perhaps she is just waiting for whatever reason, but she doesn't WANT to leave bad enough to have already physically left.

I will tell you first hand that my wife DID pay attention to my actions during our separation. She refused to seek counseling, but I sought counseling. A couple of months later, she sought counseling. Now, her counselor has recommended that she do couples counseling with me.

I have zero regrets about all the effort I have put into this so far. Keep it up OIN!!

[OfficerInNeed]

For the most part yesterday was an OK day. The W and I watched a little TV in bed before I headed off to work. There were times throughout the day where she was bitter toward me but I did not let it affect me.

This morning I picked my W up and drove her to work. I asked her how her night went and if she was feeling better. Unfortunately she is not. We had a couple convos about random things. Not sure if she said "Bye" in return this morning, if she did it was so low I could not hear her.

Well I can only hope today our situation improves more...

[DaddyLongShanks]

Living vacariously through your situation... Your going to be better off if she participates in one or a couple of the activites that you are doing.

[OfficerInNeed]

An update on how today has gone so far.

W returned from work. As usual she immediate went for

[OfficerInNeed]

An update on how today has gone so far.

W returned from work. As usual she immediate went for the dog and gave it the baby talk. I walked in the living room and pat my W and said "Hey W's name" and she said nothing in return...so I said "Has it got that bad that I cannot get a 'hi' or 'hello'?" and then she said "Hi." I had lunch cooking and when finished I prepared a plate for her, she said "thank you." shortly after we sat and watched some TV and had a great time playing catch with the dog.

At one point I went up to our room, a little while later she came up with the dog. She is still not feeling well and laid in bed beside me. She eventually feel to sleep. I got up and went and grabbed her the throat spray (she has a sore throat) and she allowed me to spray it for her. I accidentally called her 'hun' she did not react adverse to my comment and I would say that being able to do that for her is a small positive considering her mentality has been "I can do for myself" and here she was allowing me to do for her, usually she would had refused and took the medicine and did it herself.

My W attitude has not been too bad so far today, she was at her worse this morning before work and once she returned home from work.

* sorry for the double post not sure what happened

[Puppy Dog Tails]

W returned from work. As usual she immediate went for the dog and gave it the baby talk. I walked in the living room and pat my W and said "Hey W's name" and she said nothing in return...so I said "Has it got that bad that I cannot get a 'hi' or 'hello'?" and then she said "Hi."

THANK you! That's all I've been trying to encourage you to do, OIN.

I think you will see positive results from just this sort of thing if you do it consistently. It will be good for BOTH of you!

Puppy

[OfficerInNeed]

I understood what you been saying, I was concerned that if I spoke out that she would have an adverse reaction and it would be a set back.

It was yesterday I believe where there was another instance where I spoke up....

She had just got out the shower walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around her. On her arm were scratches from our dog jumping up on her. I said "ohhh that looks bad" she looked down then shrugged her shoulders and said something a long the lines "she is a bad dog" a minute or so later I got up and started to walk out the room and see the scratch marks begin to bevel.

So I said "Are you OK? looks like it hurts" and she said in return "It's fine" in a low stern almost borderline b*tchy tone...So I nearly chuckled and said in a calm direct tone "I am only expressing my concern" and her tone change immediately and said "No, I was saying that it's fine, it doesn't hurt, is all."

===============

Another instance, I think it was yesterday again...My W was down stairs on the couch and someone was knocking at the door, My W did not answer, then there is another knock and still she doe snot answer the door. I march downstairs and headed for the door, as I walked past my W I looked at her as I opened the door (not a dirty look). Address the person at the door, when I walked back in she looked at me but I did not make eye contact with her, and I just walked right back up stairs...a few mins later she came up and let the dog in the room, the dog jumped up on me and she started to laugh, I smirked and then she said "what's wrong?" and I said "what do you mean" she replied "your acting weird" at the time I did not feel like I could had said anything constructive that could had possibly helped our sitch so I just let it go....

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I understood what you been saying, I was concerned that if I spoke out that she would have an adverse reaction and it would be a set back.

First of all, "adverse reactions" aren't always "setbacks" -- sometimes they signify GROWTH. But I really do think that your wife will, for the most part, respond POSITIVELY to such little "mini-boundaries" that you call her on. In her current state, she's much like a child, and children LIKE structure -- it makes them feel safe.

Puppy

[MrBond]

I agree with Puppy. Alot of what you are worried about doing all stems from fear. Fear of doing something wrong. But what that does is make you afraid of doing anything at all.

Talk to her as you would anyone else. You've acknowledged the past. Don't dwell in it.

[OfficerInNeed]

I returned home from work last night, laid in bed with W and fell to sleep. W called off work due to her not feeling well.

I went to personal training session this morning. Before I went W told me she did not feel well. W also told me her dress would be coming in the mail today. W asked for something to eat so I got it for her.

When I returned home from my workout, my W was still in bed up watching TV feeling the same. We sat in bed talking about non-R things. At times I would get a short response or the infamous shoulder shrug. W had took a shower while I was gone and she smelled good so I leaned in to "get a whiff" but she turned her head as if I were going to bite it off.

The dress eventually came in, W showed me the dress then went in another room to try it on (very "shy" lately). She came out and of course I raved about the dress because she looked stunning.

W mentioned shoes for the dress and I asked if she wanted to go somewhere to get the shoes, she said she planned on taking off work again tomorrow and we can go get the shoes sometime tomorrow and as she said it "because we are going to see the movie anyway." Sure we talked about the movie but never really planned on going to see it and here is my W telling me we are going to see it.

I had to run an errand and W asked for me to pick up some medicine and ice cream, I also decided to pick up a movie. When I returned home W was looking over paper work for the house. It had just come in the mail...I asked it what it was and she said "paper work they sent in case you ever wanted to sell the house, so have to put it in a safe spot." not sure if she meant YOU as in ME or just you in general.

W seemed distant and withdrawn at this point. Eventually we watched the movie, laughed and enjoyed it. I see W out the corner of my I doing something so I turned and looked at her and she said "watch the movie not me."

For WAW, does this attitude eventually ware off? Over the past few days I have seen/heard my W being her old self for very brief moments.

This weekend will be a good test to how things are going between us. We are going to the mall and movies tomorrow, we have a wedding on Sat. and a show to go to on Sun.

I keep telling myself (literally) "this is a marathon not a sprint"