Not sure which way to go anymore

[Mystik]

Another side effect of all this drama - I have lost my confidence in myself. Not that I had much to begin with, but at least I felt I was competent at my job and adequate as a mother. Now I worry that I'm constantly making mistakes, that I'm going to do something wrong or forget some important information at work. I feel I'm being a bad mother to DS, that he deserves someone better than me to be taking care of him. How can I raise DS to be a capable, responsible adult when all I do is sit around and mope and sob?

I pray constantly for God's strength and help with accepting the situation and letting go of it. I feel like He's so very far away, though I know He's closer than ever. I want to rage at Him and ask why He's letting this all happen, though I know that He has a plan for every one of us and doesn't give us more than He knows we are capable of handling. But it just feels like so much more than I can handle, this burden is dragging me down.