So I was all ready to just click off the email, and I decided to check this first. I have a huge reckless streak (it's how WH and I joined the Peace Corps a few years ago!), and I definitely enjoy just the thrill of doing something without thinking.
I'm holding off for right now because I am not 100% sure I'm doing it for the right reason. I do care a little how he responds. If he doesn't write anything back, I'm fine with that. Actually, I prefer that the best. If he writes back a joke line, then I'll be obsessed with it and hopes would jump up. If he writes back "f-off," then. . . ho boy. (I don't think he'd do that, tho.)
Maybe I could add a line "No need to reply!"
About a possible A-- I really don't even know how to snoop to find out. I really don't. I could contact his friend and ask his friend, but that would get back to him. I couldn't follow him without him recognizing my (our!) car. I don't know any passwords or how to hack into facebook accounts. . . I guess I do have one mutual friend with him and I could get on her account and look at his page. That makes me vulnerable, though, and very very prone to obsession/anger when I see his life without me. And since we do have 20 mutual friends, I don't know how obvious he would make anything. (He's still a fb friend with my brother!)
So I don't really want to know, and I also don't think that I can know at this point. Any actions I take will be pure risk.
All right. I like the idea of sending off the message now because I'm going home and I won't get any replies (if any) until tomorrow morning. Second, I'm sooo busy at work that I don't have enough time to think about it in the morning. Third, since testing is happening again, I have time to think (if I need to) and I can't check my email again. And last, he has his therapy on Fridays and I want him to be able to process it with his therapist. His therapist originally recommended emergency counseling to us and is helping WH with baby stuff (hence him sending the gifts and wanting us to have a "family day") so I'm going to trust his therapist's guidance for now.
So I've just talked myself into it. If my hopes get up too much, I will deal with that. I guess bottom line is I feel I need to lead us into more lighthearted territory.
I'll let you know what happens.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
