Is this piecing?

[old theotherhalf]

It is a process. Yes to you it seems that is what he is doing. He must first face his problems and if he can blame them on you then he is not facing them, so no healing. He may or may not ever really heal but he must stop blaming you for his own depression. That might start the process.

I agree, BUT if they have an OW, won't she take your place in using someone to hide behind? To blame all their problems on? To bandaid the REAL problems?

This is what I see my XH doing.