Piano sleep well, will be rationed shortly.I have just became a great aunt.My neice had a littlegirl 8 weeks early 3LB 11oz.She got out of hospital last week.Shes a little cherub..So good for dulling pain and making the heart feel special again...
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
and then i think... am i not doing the same if I push H away and out of the baby's life? Am i making a decision that will affect lives and who am I to do so?
Exactly- IF we are given the choice to have the daddy in our babies' lives, IF the daddy will be a good thing, then yes, it is selfish to deny our baby his father.
BUT if the daddy will be in and out, inconsistent, then that will create a child who is insecure and not trusting of others, and who will be looking for the father figure in their future relationships. Does this make sense? So I was all about seeing if WH would be a regular, consistent, good dad. If he wasn't, I was planning on filing divorce and full custody.
Piano- get your rest and enjoy your time alone the best you can. Also, you make a good point about seeing cake eating as a sacrifice for the bigger picture. In my sitch, I am glad that WH was allowed to cake eat. Now that the bakery is closed, he will remember the cake was delicious. But I have no control over what he chooses to do now and can only focus on my life.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
mamma totally agree 100% they have to be consistent as a dad.I forget there are men out there who are crap dads..My H included at this tome although prior to his A he was a fab dad. These poor kids....these b****** stupid men who are driven by the zip in their trousers...
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
My WAH has told me he is going back to Europe to live his life. Finding a job here seems a temporary measure, and as he is having very little luck in that department, then even more temporary than ever.
IF he was promising to stick around and be a father, then this would be so different.
But this is what I have today:
-a WAH in an A with OW who is in his country in Europe -he's telling me he's going to live his life o/seas and I should find a stepfather for the child and the kid will be alright -He would like the child to carry his surname in some way -he had never asked me or agreed to be at the birth (but friend says he wants to) -he was terrified about me sending his stuff to him becasue he was nowwhere to store it and can't afford storage, and was also terrified when I talked lawyers and money -he wants to be friends.
Sounds like the biggest cake eater in the world to me.
* btw, remember my H never had a Dad. He was abandonned one month after birth and met his dad 3 times in his life.
-a WAH in an A with OW who is in his country in Europe -he's telling me he's going to live his life o/seas and I should find a stepfather for the child and the kid will be alright -He would like the child to carry his surname in some way -he had never asked me or agreed to be at the birth (but friend says he wants to)
Why should your daughter have WAH's surname if he wants you to find a stepfather, is moving to Europe and hasn't told you he wants to be there at the birth? And how complicated is it to add his name if you guys R in the future?
OK and this may be too early to say. But when I was talking to my best friend she said other than WH reconciling with me, the next best thing would be abandoning S so that I could find a stepfather and give S an intact family. Can't say I disagree.
Last edited by newmama; 04/30/1012:57 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I don't have much to say other than he obviously has issues to work through and will experience guilt. You can be much happier than he in the long run if he doesn't fully process what he needs to.
I also keep the stepfather idea in mind. And I've definitely wondered if it would be a pretty good option, too. . .
Piano, I am sorry sweetie. I sense you are feeling low right now (understandably so). You are under a tremendous amount of stress and IT IS NOT FAIR. But I want to offer some comfort in the fact that if your WAH chose to not be involved at first and later wanted to be, your daughter could still bond with him. The first few months the baby will barely know you exist other than her food source and comfort. When she is a few months old she will recognize that you are her mother. And then if your WAH is involved by that point (he very well could be-babies change people, Piano) there is still time for her to bond with him. Take care and check in with us. (((hugs)))
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hugs! Please PLease Please treat yourself to something special today! A manicure, an ice cream sunday, a new book, a walk in the park... something nurturing, something positive, something wonderful just for YOU! Because Darn it! You deserve it!
I am still hoping your H will have a change of heart when the baby is born... I can still wish right? did you ask if he would stay until the baby is born? Did you ask him for help? Ask that he meet his baby and take part in her life? I know its hard, but did you tell him his child needs him? H may be so selfish that he may not see past himself right now...
Dont know if this helpds but I grew up with a mom and a dad... my mom is my world!!!! My dad was a crappy dad and left a few years ago... and guess what! I realized all I ever had and all I ever needed was my mom. Even now, she is the only constant in my life. as for our H's, whether they were raised w or w/o fathers can turn out to be crappy H's and Dads. My H was raised by two amazing people, had the absolute best dad in the world... they are still close, and cant imagine why my H is acting this way when he always wanted a relationship with his son like he had with his dad. So i guess it doesnt really matter... Bad People Suck!
I dont understand why your H would want your baby to carry his surname if he doesnt plan to be around in his life? Hate that he told you to get a step dad! EWWWW!!!! I threw that in my H's face once in an argument and he got so angry with me! DOESNT YOUR H SEE THAT HE IN FACT ISSSSSSS THE FATHER!!! If us women were supposed to raise babies and children on our own then we WOULDNT need men to get us PREGNANT!!! We would be able to do it ourselves!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why dont they get this!
Im not sure I agree with everyone in saying if they are not going to be consistent fathers, then push them out. How do you know if he could change? Give him a chance to F^%$# up then kick him to the curb! I would rather tell my child I tried than I assumed... I dont know... perhaps your C could have better recommendations.
