We aren't special to them once they leave. They are not "brainwashed" or otherwise "ill," and it would be so nice to believe that. But the cold facts are that they have someone else and have moved on.
They aren't coming back. We have to accept that. I know it's hard, but it's true.
And for those of you out there with your freak instances of the returning, remorseful spouse, don't bother trying to admonish me. These are too rare to be taken seriously. Especially when there is a new wife and child in the picture.
Kimmie,
I am sorry that you had such a disturbing ending to your marriage and it has left you somewhat jaded to other people’s desire to have hope.
While I too support people in their own growth, strength, and moving forward with their life…
I do not try to convince anyone that there is no hope.
While you feel that the instances of a returning remorseful S are too rare to be true, they happen often enough for people to be able to maintain hope if they so choose. I have watched too many people reconcile, or not reconcile but consider reconciling, after time helps them heal, to be willing to accept your view.
If we choose to just “accept” that they aren’t coming back right away, what does that say about us? And the love that we felt for our S? We are no better than them then morally speaking. Marriages are not disposable. Sometimes they are not fixable but it is not just something you walk away from because you don’t like what is happening. At least most people don’t…
And until you recognize that people do have mental and emotional problems, and that they do become more easily influenced by others…
Maybe someday you can find a way to have hope, trust, love, and the ability to forgive in your life again…
For your own happiness...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
