I don't think my H would say I am selfish, he'd probably agree with you that I have lost myself/martyred myself for the sake of productivity and organization. So, not selfish as in only thinking of self. Yet, not selfless either. I have not been putting his needs ahead of mine.
I did the quick online assessment of the LL. Guess I would need to buy that book to understand it better. I am getting quite a secret library.
No sex. It's been 2 months. I am worried our MC is going to prescribe it at our next session and I don't want H pushed into it. I don't know how that will help us.
I am so afraid to do something wrong and drive him further away that I don't know what to do. I don't know how to just be myself. I am still freaking out inside. If I did just let go and do what I feel like doing I would crawl into bed with a pile of mystery novels and not come out for a few weeks. This analyzing all that I say and do, and all that H says and does, and acting happy, and keeping the kids going as smoothly as possible, and being productive at work all day.....it's draining every drop of energy I can muster.
I am trying to post more often. It's just very difficult when H is home.
My journal is very secure (not at home), it's my posting and this site that I worry about. H is a network admin and he has set up our home network. If I make him suspicious, he could probably find all of this and I wouldn't even know how. He's not suspicious now though because my e-mail and FB accounts are open to him. I don't hide things from him.
