If you don't want to D or S, then don't lift a finger to do either. Let her do the heavy lifting if this is what she wants.
Decide which things YOU think are legitimate character flaws you need to work on, be they with this woman or the next one, and begin working on those. But do them for YOU -- not to get some rise out of her (b/c she's likely not going to notice much, at best, and will be somewhere between "annoyed" and "pissed as hell" that you're just now making these changes.
Spend some time reading other folks' threads; much of the advice is transferable. There's really NOT that much difference between most of the sitches.
