I do understand your point, Allen. My suggested language is to transition the formerly-over-pleasing, passive, I-can't-possibly-control-them types into a stronger stance.
Probably better for me to have said "You will probably do whatever you decide to do, but . . ." or "I can't stop you from . . . "
It is not a "free pass" if one says to an alcoholic "I hope you'll decide to get help. Whatever you decide to do, I cannot remain with you until you do, however."
The larger concept I'm trying to get across is the one of "No, I can't tell you what to do, but I can let you know what my "boundaries of personal integrity" are, and that if you cross them, then I will have a decision to make. What you decide to do will affect what I decide to do."
