Oh, I am so glad I read this post! Mach1, I think you hit it right on the head. They do look for someone to "fix" and yes it does take their focus and time away from themselves. My h spent over 3 months trying to rescue a 21 yr. old felon and drug addict by moving him into his apartment! It finally fell apart and h had many moments of clarity. That was when he was actually calling me and talking for long periods of time. Now, that I look back at it, he must have known he needed someone who was "stable" to give him advice on the mess he got himself in. He later confessed to me that it was a big mistake and he paid the price.

And now it finally makes sense to me that since they choose "losers" or people they wouldn't normally be friends with, they don't look broken to those people. Heck, compared to them, they are models of society! H has often said to me his friends support him, don't think I'm a nice person, don't think he should have married me, think he should dump me, etc. And THEY HAVE NEVER MET ME!!! One time I did reply to him that "oh, big news flash, your friend who has been married 3 times and currently lives with a man who beats her, is an alcoholic and drug abuser, has one son who is a felon and drug abuser (see above), and another son who uses her and causes one crisis after another for her....yeah, she is just the person I would go to for marriage advice!"

And now that I look at what I just typed it occurred to me how do I know all this about her? Because he has told me all of this during his moments of clarity!! During some very lucid moments a couple of months ago when he actually took me out to dinner. Now, he wouldn't throw scraps for the dog at me! He is in the all out hatred, cruel stage. And now I realize that's because he got rid of some of the problems he was focusing on. Now, all that anger and frustration is pointed at me. Why didn't I see this before? confused I was thinking rationally that he needed to move those kids out of his place and then he would have time for us. I couldn't have been more wrong!! That's what I get for looking at this rationally. LOL!