how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

had an AMAZING massage last night and spent some quality time with my girls (and a bottle of wine!) before heading back home. sometimes i am SO OK with starting my life over and sometimes...i feel like i'll do anything to avoid going back to that empty apartment (well...the dog is there!). i wish this is something i could just scrub off of my skin once and be done with it, instead of feeling up one minute and down the next for who knows how long.

my rational mind knows i'll be fine and that i'm holding on to thin air at this point...but it's like my H just asked me to stop loving him just like that, and i don't work that way. this is so, so real to me now...i really thought he'd come running back by now, or ask for one last chance, or call me crying about the huge mistake he'd made. i know there's nothing i can do about his being gone but keep living my life and find love again. everything i need to make me happy i already posses within me. but letting go is a very, very difficult and painful thing to do.