I haven't noticed any effect on my H from being dim. My sitch is a bit unusual though, in that H is participating in the dim-ness so it's mutual. I think he is pretty set on D and doesn't really have mixed feelings about it...that he's demonstrating in any way at least. The dim is helping me though. I'm gradually detaching and seeing my life as separate from his.
FM, you say he's pretty set on D...has he taken any action towards it?
Sorry I've been MIA the last few days and just trying to check on you guys.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
FM, you say he's pretty set on D...has he taken any action towards it?
No he hasn't. I think it's because I told him quite a while ago that I wanted to concentrate on S6's diagnosis and getting him services etc. Also, he's probably waiting for signs that I'm getting on my feet. He just gives every indication of a Man With A Plan...no wavering, no doubt, no confusion, not even any evidence of anger at this point. He wasn't detached when we separated, but I think he fast-forwarded to that pretty quickly, or there's an OW who's helping out with that.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
This morning was the initial autism assessment appt where the psychologist interviewed me. It went well, but I found out that the assessment is going to be more involved than I thought...4 more appts to go. I'm really nervous that they won't determine that he falls in the spectrum...then he won't be eligible for any funding or services .
Grandparents looked after children for 3 hours -- huge milestone. It went well and that was very encouraging.
This afternoon and evening were a parenting nightmare . It's been one of those days when I pour myself a glass of wine and feel totally traumatized by the day after the kids go to bed. Of course, irritatingly, the kids totally calmed down the second that H came home to help with bedtime.
Tonight I felt like, wow I am detached from H. CG will be happy to know that I don't even check his FB page any more! Someday we will be friends and it will be OK and we will be living separate lives. I still can't accept what this means for my kids, but I am letting go of my attachment to H. I love him, I miss him, I want to hug and kiss and touch him...but the reality is that it's over. I'm very grateful that he is not yanking me around and sending mixed messages...that is a huge grace that I have been granted compared to many LBS.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
FM, I just found a book at the library called "Year of the Cock: the remarkable true account of a married man who left his wife and paid the price" by Alan Wieder. Just published. It's an autobiographical account of a man who one day ups and leaves his wife to go wild with sex, drugs and wild times. He did not call her in six months despite her desperate calls. He then 180'ed and had a breakdown and begged his way back to her. They stay together for a few more years but it ends in D. The reasons are never discussed for the D since both he and his exwife disagree on why it happened.
Seems like she accepted him back to quickly and instead should have told him to work on himself. He was unhappy married, unhappy single, and one again not that happy married. It was him not the marriage.
I am not saying that this man is like your hubby but it is interesting to read his insight in the last few chapters. He finally gets how really wrong it all was and how bad it can be for his child.
Just thought it was an interesting read to see a WAH insight on why he felt he should do what he did. (of course he realized he was an idiot years later...)
Hope kids and work are doing well...
Last edited by june72; 04/28/1003:38 AM.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Of course, irritatingly, the kids totally calmed down the second that H came home to help with bedtime.
lol! Even with my almost 10 month old I totally get this!!!
I'm glad you are feeling peace with detachment from your H. I have a friend who keeps checking her soon to be ex spouse's FB page and now it seems like her whole mood for the day is based on what she finds on it. Not that doing that happened to you, but my point is it just doesn't seem to help my friend any so I am glad you are staying away from your H's FB page!
About the supper club- yeah, could be "couple-ish" BUT you can dance with your dad or your BIL right? And there is something about dancing that lifts the spirits, don't you think?
About the baba ganouj- well good to hear you found a good place! I have one, too, about 10 miles from my house. I should get it more often but find myself not having good self control and eating the whole thing! ...they use a brick oven to bake their pocket bread and you can get it hot and fresh! Sorry to go off on your thread-yummm!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
He just gives every indication of a Man With A Plan...no wavering, no doubt, no confusion, not even any evidence of anger at this point.
Quote:
I still can't accept what this means for my kids, but I am letting go of my attachment to H. I love him, I miss him, I want to hug and kiss and touch him...but the reality is that it's over.
You just described my STBXW and my feelings exactly!
If it's any consolation, my STBXW did come back last time and she was *almost* the same way last time. However, in order to move forward we sometimes have to let go of all hopes completely.
Good job on detaching! it gets easier with less contact...out of sight, out of mind.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Visit with parents is going pretty well. I am doing a better job than usual with being assertive about taking time for myself when I am feeling maxed out from the interactions. We went out for French at breakfast and sushi for dinner yesterday . Haven't been out to restaurants lately so that was nice. Also went for a great walk. Parents are being unusually on the ball with grandparenting and with being supportive of me. Had some conversations where they expressed their disappointment and anger with H. And some conversations about their concerns about what the future will look like for me in terms of finances/homeschooling/work/home etc. No easy answers there.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
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. Haven't been out to restaurants lately so that was nice. Also went for a great walk. Parents are being unusually on the ball with grandparenting and with being supportive of me. Had some conversations where they expressed their disappointment and anger with H. And some conversations about their concerns about what the future will look like for me in terms of finances/homeschooling/work/home etc. No easy answers there.