still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[Lotus]

I'm sorry Newmama, that had to be painful. Of course you handled it well. Sorry he is in a rush.

[newmama]

thanks ladies. lol, Lotus- I wouldn't say he is in a rush because it has been over a year since we separated! I think he has been taking his time. But I appreciate your sympathy.

Life goes on.

[flowmom]

Newmama, I know this wasn't the outcome that you hoped for...and I know there must be a lot of grief around that. I'm glad that you're setting boundaries -- it's a good thing for you because it will help you to detach. I hope that your S adjusts easily to the new routine.

(((hugs)))

[newmama]

Thanks FM.

Of course I am roller coaster woman. I will stick to what I said I would do.

Does it matter that he was crying throughout the discussion? Or that he looked scared? I guess not.

I am dropping out of my mommy group with mommies who don't know what is going on and I can't bear to tell them at this point. So I lied and said S joined a class on Thursday mornings. I don't want to be around them.

[newmama]

oops clarify-my EMOTIONS are roller coaster but my ACTIONS will be consistent!

[WhatNow]

I am dropping out of my mommy group with mommies who don't know what is going on and I can't bear to tell them at this point. So I lied and said S joined a class on Thursday mornings. I don't want to be around them.

I know what you mean.

[WhatNow]

oops clarify-my EMOTIONS are roller coaster but my ACTIONS will be consistent!

You strength is amazing!


I was thinking about the comment he made about the contact helping him feel connected. I think he meant connected to you as well as the baby. Now he can see what leaving really means to his life.

[flowmom]

Does it matter that he was crying throughout the discussion? Or that he looked scared? I guess not.

Yes it matters. He obviously wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants access to life as a family and he's been getting that, while getting the romance and excitement of OW too. Or maybe you're OW now, but there is some commitment to the OW. He is clearly ambivalent about the fact that he will not be able to have his cake and eat it too. Is there any hope for reconciliation? I'm no expert but I would guess yes. However that's not something you can count on at all. It seems like all the LBWs who have reconciled follow a journey of GAL, 180s, and reaching true detachment. You are doing great at GAL and 180s, and it sounds like you've made some progress on detachment...keep working towards that.

[4luv]

You handled everything PERFECTLY!! Along with your new level of detachment and GAL I know that you will be fine! And don't be surprised when your husband comes to the realization that his "soul mate/OW" isn't the life that he wants. I have a STRONG feeling that this new visitation arrangement and you cutting off the emotional needs that he gets from you (happy, calm, dependable) will be a RUDE awakening for him...If he is smart :-)

Hugs to you newmama!

[newmama]

Thank you again, ladies. It does offer me comfort to hear that he might miss me and that "it ain't over til it's over."

With boyfriend relationships, I have always moved on and not stayed friends. I think in almost all situations, they looked me up after but I wasn't interested. That's why I always tell people to not stay friends, to date someone else, to not look back. Of course it seemed different to me with having a new baby and a marriage and WH's affair so I didn't follow my own advice.
But he is making it easier for me to now do it.

There is something else- I am trying to figure out how to act when I do see him-don't get me wrong. It's like this: When I was at work, I had to act a certain way and still do my job,even though I was feeling like crap. It was not appropriate or helpful for me to act the way I was feeling. SOOO that is what I mean with WH now.

Opinions?? I know not to show him I am sad.