I had a discussion with my wife about this during her affair.
She was trying to justify affairs to me and explaining that sometimes it's ok, depending on how bad it is at home.
I told her what i thought and I stand by it to this day :
Infidelity will NOT SOLVE the probelms in your home - it only makes them WORSE.
Even if there is violence in the home... Sneaking out to have sex with someone else is NOT the brightest idea to say the least... and I would argue the person you are having the affair with is terribly selfish and wreckless to put you in danger like that... Most OP know what's going on in the home, though its often exaggerated considerably... if the OP suspects there IS violence in the home the LAST thing they should be doing is mounting you in a hotel room... that will just aggravate the LBS and bring on WORSE violence.
The solution is the same - if there are problems in the home, you work on them, as a couple. If there is risk of harm from violence or there is drug or alcohol abuse etc then make arrangements to safely exit the home to a place where you are SAFER...
Sneaking out the home, no matter how bad it is, to have sex covertly is NOT a solution - its an escape.
My wife had no response for this... But the look on her face said that she got it quite clearly... At the time she was still cheating and just wanted to justify herself... The argument above disarmed her completely so she had nothing else to throw at me... she just walked away from the conversation.
She's been clean for almost six months now. My only regret is that the OM got away with using her for a long time... now my wife and I have to work hard to clean up the damage that HE mostly contributed to... and he is off dancing about having a ball wtihout a care in the world.. he got what he wanted... he used her over and over and when she started to get a conscience he threw her away...
She doesn't feel loved by him anymore, she just feels used.
