5 weeks left to DB - need help with my plan

[newmama]

Piano, you are right that my WH has co parented well and bonded. I don't think he knew how to be a dad by learning from his dads, considering the broken childhood he had from his parents' divorce.

My point is that your H can still "learn" because it is part instinct, part learning from observing you, the mother.

Yes, do what works, like RobX stated....in my case, I thought I was getting some results and had a chance. But he would act nicer and text more and do stuff around the house and I noticed when he was especially nice, something bad followed. Also he has been consistently doing those things except texting (always about S) a little more sometimes and not others. So after 6-9 months of the same behaviors but not ending the A or not wanting to reconcile, it is time for something different- others wanted me to do it before (not let him come to the house) but I wasn't ready and I didn't want OW to get to see S more than one night per week.

I tell you all of this because although a couple weeks might be premature (in RobX's example), if your H is acting the same for months and months and months (like Mindfull and my WH) then there is a point when you should do something different...not more of the same. So keep that in mind. But you have only just begun!


The other thing is that all the vets advocate a hard stance when an A is involved, based on what they have seen. I am of the belief that we all will do things when we are ready and should do it to the fullest and best (whatever IT is) to show consistency on our side. So if that is being kind and loving, do it consistently. If it is NC, do it consistently. Then wait, GAL, and monitor results. And although all of our sitches have many common elements, ultimately they are different.